Letting Go

I haven't seen the sun for 6 days...Tennessee winter , rain, wind, cold, grey. Driving around Nashville looking at houses that are to big,too much, like fat double cheese burgers, and, too expensive so they sit in the neighborhoods empty with signs proclaiming "Reduced" or "New Price".
There's so much stuff everywhere in this Land of The Not Free at All, that it is depressing and empty feeling.All this stuff that has been given so much importance and value and everywhere I look people are afraid and complaining and alone in their cars and Christmas is depressing for everyone because they can't keep feeding the need for even more to keep how they really feel inside at a distance.
Now it's the day before yesterday , late in the afternoon and Bella, my 6 year old and I are driving through the pastures at The Ranch looking at the cows. The cows have hay and water and they are literally fat and happy...that's a relief, they are happy and some say dumb I don't agree but ok, so what, they aren't stupid like us humans. A cow can find happiness in a good meal and a place out of the cold wind to lay down and rest. We've become way to important to appreciate such simple gifts from life. We demand more and more and more....I miss Mexico.
As we idle through the fields I look across the river and there's a great Bald Eagle sitting on the branch of a huge old Sycamore tree watching us. I stop the pick up and point her out to Bella,"Wow, she's beautiful Daddy", Bella puts down her window and leans out making some call to the Eagle. I don't know where that came from and I smile.
Earlier that morning I was standing in the driveway out side our double wide at the Ranch talking with my friend and partner Julie Norton when I looked across the river, 5 miles from where Bella and I had seen the Eagle, and soaring over the pasture was a great white headed Bald Eagle with his tail feathers fanned out as he hovered over a beaver pond that I'd told my cow crew to leave be since I like to take my girls out to see how the beavers work their magic. The Eagle was looking for a meal and I was needing to see something to remind me that all this creation is here to support the coming of the light back into this world.
Two Bald Eagles in one day when seeing one is rare here and I have to look in my minds mirror and say "Enough with the drama White Boy, remember who you work for and lets keep moving , there's so much to do". I talk to the voices in my head. I don't usually believe them but there are some voices that seem to come from another place, beyond where what I "think" is King.
This Ranch recovery Center began with a vision I had in the desert in Tucson 11 years ago and today I'm realizing I'm returning to bring what has been so graciously shared with me over the last 6 years of living between Mexico and California back to the land where I began to re-dream my reality , from Hell to Heaven on Earth.
In a strange way it's perfect that this American Dream is melting down all around us while The Ranch is coming into it's 10th year of offering perspective to those who can't make the reality they've been living work for them any more.There will be more and more people offered life's great opportunity to question what they believe and let go of how they demand and judge and if the invitation is widely accepted this will be a great place to live a life. If life's invitation is pushed back on and the old ways are defended rather than let go of , well then, like all addicted people there will be new levels of fear and suffering ahead cuse the truth of life just won't go away, thank Buddha.
I hear the wind blowing outside and Mee's drinking all the coffee so I'd better get up and get me some and go seek the light in this gray Tennessee Morning....A Big Christmas Hug to You All, Love, Lee

Simply Aware

It's Wednesday afternoon. Yesterday evening I returned home from another Spirit Recovery Journey to Teotihuacan, Mexico. Entering into the body of Teo, as we call our home there, is always a walk into the truth of life and that truth is a great mystery.This was a special journey that brought together a group of people who all connected like the spokes on a wheel, all pointing to the center. This was the first Buddhist/Toltec Journey I'm aware of, ever , in the ancient history of Teotihuacan.My friend Kevin Griffin brought years of practice and perspective to our adventure leading us all in meditation and Buddhist teaching then shifting to a student on his first journey to Teo.

The blending of meditation with the Buddhist energies and the power of the Toltec mysticism opened a great spectrum of possibilities for all of us involved.

Ok, so I was just writing away when my daughter called me" Daddy, there are whales in the front of our house", Bella was jumping up and down on the front porch and pointing to the great white plumes of spray coming from the family of whales passing by, headed south.From Teotihuacan to the present in a flash, from writing my memory and story to seeing these great creatures of the sea, traveling the coast of Mexico.Life flashes and with it my attention shifts to the horizon and the whales.

Living these days is a mastery of shifting attention. I have a lot of choices , everyday, as we all do. After years of working, living and playing with my self and how I move through time and space as a human being , I have actually become grounded in the choices and the living as a projection and reaction to my choosing.
Standing on the porch with the energy of Teotihuacan buzzing through my veins I'm completely in tune with the Whales, the sound of the waves, my Bella's excitement..and that's it...I don't have so much to say now, so I won't...in fact I want to go for a body surf and get smashed on the sand bar....

Next Saturday we all fly back to Tennessee and The Ranch for Christmas. Like changing channels life keeps moving ..Onward...Here comes Santa Claus...Vaya Con Dios...Lee

Thanksgiving Journey

It's Wednesday Morning, the day before Thanksgiving in the U.S.A.. I'm sitting in my office in the back room of our little Mexican jungle home listening to the sound of Bella,6, and Lola,2, and their cartoons on T.V. Thank You life for those sounds..I love them now more than ever and I've been listening to my babies cartoons for 25 years, my oldest daughter is 25, almost 26.

Just behind the sound of the T.V. I hear the waves breaking on the beach in front of our home..Thank you MaMa Ocean...I have loved you all my life and you have Loved me back in so many ways.

From the kitchen I smell corn meal and Banana pancakes cooking on the grill, that's my Mee, Bella and Lola's Mama, cooking breakfast. Thank you life for setting us up to meet, of course we took it from there and what a trip we are sharing together.

My thanksgiving is all around me, everyday. It's not some far away sentiment for the past or hope for the future. I have no qualifications that must be fullfilled or pieces missing. My life is what it is and I have learned through trial and the art of paying attention that loving life happens right now just the way it is. Thank you life for offering me the opportunity to wake up to my life being my choice and your gift.

First thing this morning I opened my e-mails and had an e-mail from Miles Adcox, our C.E.O. at The Ranch. He was sharing some of what happens at The Ranch on a daily basis and it felt so close and so far away at the same time. Miles has brought 100% of himself to what my partner Julie Norton and I set in motion 10 years ago and he has connected how life works through all of us connected to The Ranch with the rest of the Recovery business with such style and integrity, thank you life for keeping our dream alive and prosperous and always moving forward with you.

As I'm writing this our beloved Nanny {Peggy} and Bubba,{Ted}, Raess have let go of 30+ years in their little magical kingdom on Holmby Ave. in Los Angeles and are moving north to a new magical kingdom in Sonoma County, Ca. Ted and Peggy are the vehicle life used to connect Me and Mee seven years ago. They were my first Toltec teachers and are Bella and Lola's Grand Parents because that's how life connected us. After all Grand Parents are one part blood and three parts love and they got the Love part down like a rug. Thank you life for finding so many cool ways to have our lives interconnected, all we had to do was let it happen.

In a while we'll load up our 98' Suburban Mexi Rig and drive to Guadalajara to spend Thanksgiving with our great friends Lalo and Gina Portillo. Sometimes, the greatest friendships just happen and we didn't have to do anything more than be good and honest with each other and life takes care of the rest. That's exactly what happened between our family and the Portillo family. Thank you life for life being so easy when we stop complicating it.

So to all of us living in this world and all the other worlds that touch ours, Happy Thanks giving.. Humm..by separating the words I just realized that Thanks Giving is like Love or Gratitude, we feel the energy of our offering moving through us into the world and Thanks Giving just feels good moving through. For sure the future will continue to be the result of how we choose, one person at a time, to live and be with and in Life. That's our free will in action and once again, thank you life for allowing us to co-create as we go and hopefully to learn from our creation. We humans have been a bit stuck for a lot of years now but with all the chaos we face today I'm sure we'll wake up to the amazing array of choices that life offers us in every moment and every day.

Finally, to my personal family, I love you all whether we're in this world or wherever we go from here, a big hug to you all. Vaya Con Dios, Lee

I FOUND THE ANSWER IN A LEAF

New York City, November 14-16, 2008
Lee McCormick’s Spirit Recovery Journey
Title: I found the answer in a leaf.
By Michelle Larson
Structured religion has never spoken to me. I have experimented and dabbled
throughout my life, always with the same ultimate outcome…a feeling that it just
doesn’t fit. Living a moral, caring, sharing and loving life has become what I try
to achieve.
As I delve into my forties though, the question is raised – can I follow my own
moral compass, have a higher purpose, feel enlightenment and grow as a human
being without sitting on a pew on Sunday mornings?
I have read dozens of books that say it is possible, yet after the inspiration of the
read fades and the attempts to consistently apply the methods have failed, my
search would begin again. I have traveled the world and found myself enchanted
with the peacefulness of the Hindus in Bali, the Buddhists in Thailand, and
appreciate aspects of Christianity practiced in so many countries around the
globe. Can elements of these, and something entirely different be combined to
create a customized path that I can follow?
It wasn’t a coincidence that I was sent on assignment to cover Lee McCormick’s
Spirit Recovery weekend in New York City. Although I didn’t have a clue what to
expect, my mind and heart were open to the possibilities ahead.
Twenty participants gathered in a dance studio on the fourth floor of a
downtown high rise. The hustle and bustle of the city seemed in contrast to
where I felt my mind needed to be for spiritual enlightenment, but I was going
to leave my preconditions behind and let it unfold as it may. I was just happy
that no one was wearing a purple jogging suit and KoolAid was not available on
the refreshment table. We all took off our shoes and set up chairs in a circle in
the middle of the room. Many people knew each other from previous retreats.
For me, this was a testament to what the experience had to offer.
The first half of the day was spent in our circle with Lee guiding us through the
Toltec philosophy and how we can apply it to our lives. Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec
wisdom book, The Four Agreements, was referred to many times. The
agreements are:
1. Be impeccable with your word: Speak with integrity. Say only what
you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip
about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and
love.
2. Don’t take anything personally: Nothing others do is because of
you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their
own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of
others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to
express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as
you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just
this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always do your best: Your best is going to change from moment to
moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-
judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Lee explained that in the Toltec teachings we are born unconditionally loving
beings, and then we inherit our legacy of judgment. Every human being is
unique with their own experiences, emotional triggers, patterns of responses,
etc. We could all be listening to the same conversation and each of us would
interpret it differently. We only hear what we choose to hear and then we let the
voices in our head take over. But, we are not the voices in our head; we are
simply the one listening. Our minds can turn a simple statement into a mini
series. But, if we stop, feel the emotion, whether it is pain or anger, then ask
ourselves, “Is that the truth, or is it a lie?” If it’s a lie, move on.
In turn, we are completely responsible for how we deliver our message, but we
are not responsible for what others hear. With awareness, we can take
responsibility for our thoughts and actions. The bad agreements we make with
ourselves make us miserable. If we don’t like where our life is going we should
let go of old knowledge and bring in new knowledge. Reprogram and change our
story. Instead of creating a novel too heavy to lift, filled with drama, and tales of
how we have been victimized; we can write a beautiful story that everyone
wants to have a chapter in. Free will gives us the power to recreate our reality.
We can make our lives something that we are happy to show up for.
I then nervously raised my hand and asked the question, “What if your story isn’t
something that is easily changed? What if your father has disowned you and
your whole family is suffering because of it?” Lee said, “That is a perfect
question for what we have in store after lunch.”….”Ugh!!”
After lunch Tian Dayton, who holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and an MA in
educational psychology, joined us. She is a therapist in private practice in New
York City. Tian’s warmth was felt immediately. She explained that we would be
doing a pyschodrama.
The purpose of psychodramatic role plays is to resolve through action insight
rather than talk alone. Through role play, thinking, feeling and behavior emerge
simultaneously to allow for a fuller picture of what is being carried in the psyche
to come into view. “Role reversal” allows the protagonist to actually stand in the
shoes of other persons in the role play in order to see the self from the position
of the other and to actually experience being “in the skin” someone else.
I was asked if I would be willing to be the protagonist with my situation. With
heart racing and palms sweating, I agreed. Tian asked me to choose people from
the group to play my family members involved. I chose someone to play my
mom, my dad, both of my sons, and my ex-husband. My cast family and I all
gathered in the center of the circle. I began by speaking to my mom. I faced her
and held her hands. The tears flowed. I said, “I wish that you and dad could
have found a way to communicate with each other about your problems and
your issues. I think it would have saved us all from some of the suffering we are
going through now with your divorce.” Then I switched roles and stood in my
mother’s place. I responded as my mom, “I wish that we could have done that
too honey. I can’t change the past though. I can only do my best now.” I then
stood in front of my father. I swallowed deeply and through my gasps from
crying said, “How could you disown me? What is wrong with you? Don’t you
have a heart? I have children and I can’t imagine my life without them? I know
that this is the worst time in your life and I want to help you through it, but you
won’t let me in. You hold on to your anger like an appendage. Is this working for
you somehow? You disowned your mother and your brother fifteen years ago
and you didn’t look back. How can you be so cold?” I then switched roles and
had to stand in my father’s place. I responded as him, “You just don’t get it. I’m
done with you people.” This went on, back and forth for about 45 minutes. It
was gut wrenching, but with Tian’s guidance and the help of the brave people
playing my family members, I got through it. In the end, I felt sympathy for my
father and I knew that I could have a happy life, with or without him. I resigned
the idea of being able to control anyone, but me. Tian had me assign an angel to
look after my dad. And Lee gave me an amazing gift. He told me that the next
time I see my dad, go up to him and simply say, “I’m going to love you whether
you love me or not.” I resisted the idea at first, but the more I let it sink in, the
more I knew it was exactly what I needed to do. It was time for me to take
responsibility for my own emotions and actions. My father’s response doesn’t
matter.
After more than an hour of playing out my psychodrama, I was beginning to feel
guilty that I was taking up too much of the group’s time with my problems.
When we were done, Tian asked each person in the group to tell me what they
thought and how they could relate it to their own lives.
What happened next has changed my life forever. I was overwhelmed to
discover that each person witnessing this painful exercise was able to apply it to
their own lives and their own story. Some had gone through a similar scenario
and identified with me, while others related to my sons or my mother. It was
amazing. And honestly, I really feel like I’m done with it. I can move on.
Whether acting out the drama or bearing witness to it, this is an incredibly
powerful way of resolving painful relationship issues and connecting people
together. The love in the room was palpable.
More members of the group opened up and freed themselves from the part of
their story that wasn’t serving them anymore. One grieved over the love that she
never received from her mother. Another woman showed us the pain that she
feels being a black woman in a society that sees beauty as blonde haired and
blue eyed. And someone else worked through her horrific childhood filled with
abuse. Our stories were different, yet our pain the same.
Saturday felt like a reunion of twenty best friends. Lee continued his teachings
and we absorbed his words like a bunch of sponges. We walked along the river
through the city with our minds and hearts open. We visited The Chapel of
Sacred Mirrors, an incredible gallery of work by Alex Grey where a series of
paintings allowed us to see ourselves and each other as reflections of the divine.
At night we met in Time Square for the spectacular theatre production of The
Lion King. We had dinner at midnight at a New York style deli. Getting to know
each other and ourselves.
Sunday, our last day, was met with mixed feelings of being elated from the
experience and the connections, but also a real sense of knowing that it was
about to end and it would be up to each of us to continue the practice.
We gathered in the morning, getting ready to walk to Wall Street. Lee asked us
to keep our minds clear and focused on the answer, whatever that meant to
each of us. He asked us to look for something that was symbolic of the answer
as we walked. The group divided into small groups and talked and laughed, like
close friends do. I walked alone for a bit and I took in the beauty. The fall leaves
covered the streets and sidewalks with a blanket of gold, amber and ruby. I
picked up a perfect bright leaf and decided that this was my answer. A leaf holds
tight to the tree until it can no longer hold on, eventually it has no choice but to
let go, the cool breeze picks it up and carries it away from the only place it has
ever known, but the leaf knows it is time to fly and land where it may.
I place the leaf in my pocket.
We arrive on Wall Street and the mood changes. Lee asked us to gather close, to
close our eyes and feel the fear that is encompassed in this space. Then he told
us to turn to see Trinity Church at the end of the street. It was glowing in the
sunlight and wrapped in shadow; a magical sight. The bells were ringing as if to
say, “I’m here. Don’t forget what is important.” We walk to the church and enter.
The energy inside was in startling contrast to the outside. There was such peace
in this sanctuary. We allowed it to sink in. Lee then led us out the back door of
the church into a beautiful old cemetery. We gathered again and closed our
eyes. Lee asked us to think of it as a place of change. He said, “Pick up a leaf
and walk alone in silence, contemplating what the leaf signifies to you. Hold on
to it or let it go. It is up to you.” With my hand in my coat pocket I touch the leaf
that I picked up earlier and thought, “Was that a coincidence?” I told myself to
not over think it. Pulling the leaf from my pocket, I held it gently in my fingers. I
slowly strolled along the cemetery path. After a bit I stopped in front of a
beautiful group of tombstones and I released the leaf, watching it fall…letting go,
letting go, letting go.
To say that I am grateful for this experience would be a vast understatement. I
have made genuine connections with the most warm-hearted, loving people. I
have a new view of myself and what is possible. I am excited for the journey
ahead.
My new question is, “What would LOVE do?” I like it. It fits.

Moments in the Sand

Last night I realized how much the world has changed since I was a little boy. I was moved and proud to be who I am and to see that the people of the Unites States had come to open the realm of possibilities and step beyond what we've lived with as fear of anything we can't control or pretend to be true no matter what, for so long and allow the unknown,potential, hope, courage to lead us into a new opportunity to recreate The United States.

This morning after I took Bella to her Escheula del Mundo in San Pauncho, I came home to a beautiful swell, 3-5foot surf, light breeze, clear skies and that soft feeling in the air from last nights rain storm. As I stood on our terrazzo, looking out across the beach to the surf break I was Me, capitalized because I was the Me that's always been there underneath whatever personality I was in or role I was playing. That "Me" has been surfing since I was 12 years old, today I'm 52 and you know the feeling, the love, the mystique and lure of La Mar, the ocean, is the same as always. She is in my blood and her waves flow through my heart, salt, sand and all. Most afternoons after school I take Bella who is 6 to the beach in front of the house for "Ocean Swimming Class". It is our official time to be Dad and daughter playing in the legacy of so many of my dreams and I see her falling in love with the same sea and sand that I have loved all my life.

I talk about "legacy" a lot these days. We all inherit a legacy, many in fact. There's the legacy of family, then the legacy of religion and country and beliefs and behaviors etc... We pass these legacies on to everyone we meet and love. We pass them on to our children and share them with our friends, spouses, and co-workers.

Yesterday in the U.S.A. a new legacy was created and for a lot of people an old one died. We have been dragging around a lot of legacies that need to die or are already dead but we refuse to see that their dead and we drag them with us demanding that they are still relevant and ok.Prejudice is one of these legacies, just an example.

As I share one of my legacies with my daughters on the beach in Mexico a brilliant, courageous man has created a legacy for the entire awake world to look up to and that's a legacy of perseverance and hope.

So what's your legacy? What did you inherit that is not true any longer that you'd be willing to let go of? What legacy do you share with the world around you and especially with your children? Our bodies are short term rentals in this world but our legacies are the blueprints for the world that will be inherited by those that come next and with our awakening that legacy will be one of courage, light,love,honesty and change.Change is proof of life, when change stops that's when we need to be worried.

Blessed be the ones who are willing to dream the great dreams that lead others to freedom. We always have a choice.

My Bella is calling me, it's time for "Ocean Swim Class"...Support those legacies that bring love into your life and be done with the ones that bring suffering and fear.Let Mr. Obama be an inspiration and be the change. We are here now for a reason..this is our Moment in The Sand...Vaya con Dios, Lee

Day of the Living, Day of the Dead

It is November first, last night was Halloween. The time when all the scary creatures of the unknown come out to play. The unknown seems to be a terrible place for the minds of modern peoples to go.To appease those scary spirits we give them treats and turn away to the light bright comfort of home.It's really perfect that Halloween is a children's holiday cuse the truth is our children are of the unknown.No matter how we may try to direct them and mold them, support and demand of them they are who they are and will do what they will do.No matter how hard parents may try you can't "make" your children be what you want, we do not know how their life path will unfold. There it is , the unknown, living right there in your house with you.

In Mexico we have the ancient ceremony and celebration of Day of The Dead, dia de Los Muertos. That's a double unknown. First of all there's our world , the one we see, touch, taste etc..then there's the other world where all our deceased relatives have vanished to when they checked out of the "known" world of our everyday life.On Day of The Dead our relatives spirits are invited to come back for a visit and celebrate with the in a body members of the family. All the favorite foods, libations, smokes , pets, clothes , all of that is placed on a family alter to entice the spirits to come home for a visit.Such a cool ceremony to have in a body humans acknowledging that we don't know where we go from here but we do go somewhere that's largely unknown and it's possible that all of us can hang out together again.

I know those that have been close to me and passed on have never left my memory and in some ways are still alive in my stories and heart. They left the physical world but are still very much alive in the etheric world of my memory and emotion.I still talk to my Dad when I'm driving around the Ranch looking at the cattle and horses and often speak to my step Dad when I smoke a good cigar. Those were connections we shared and are still connections that live on with me. They are there, no doubt.

Today, November first is the Day for the children that have died. The families will gather at the Cemetery and lay out spreads of the little ones favorite things and remember them back to spend the time together. That Love doesn't die and so that love reconnects between the worlds to create one bridge through time.

November 2 is the day for the in body and out of body adults to share a day together. We have an alter on our front porch. Lupita, the 16 year old that helps baby sit Lola brought a beautiful picture of her Grand mother, her favorite Grand ma. Mee has her Mom's picture and I have some cigars for A.D. and will put a cold beer and some boiled shrimp out for my Dad.Our alter is lit up with candles and fresh flowers, pictures and pieces of the past that keep us connected through space and time. So for the next two days the living and the dead will be sharing hearts and memories separated only by the sense of touch.It's the love that makes the touch special anyway so love a little more and your really not missing anything at all.

The unknown is one of my closest companions these days. From the unknown I've made up my beliefs and stories of my known.In a lot of ways I am not comfortable when I'm surrounded by a world that's too familiar. The unknown is the realm of potential and possibility. The unknown is where creativity and God dwell, passing through us when we are open enough to allow the unknown a chance to move through us.Life is just too flat unless there's a pinch of fear to keep me on my toes and in the moment.I trust my choices today and not knowing is a life line to allowing that trust to live through me creating as we go. Not knowing makes the Day of the Dead a family reunion of magic and color.Maybe that old saying about the only thing to fear is fear itself fits better if you add the only thing to fear is living only for the known.....Saludos, Lee

Dylan

Lately, I keep listening to old Dylan songs.Seems to be a perfect soundtrack to life as an ex-pat gringo surfer losing his Human form in the warm water and green jungle lands of central Mexico.

I was 12 in 1968 when I first realized there was some power in the sounds and feel of Bob Dylan's music. At 12 I wouldn't have put it like that but that's what was going on. I could feel it then. That vibe resonated with what was happening in the world at that time...frequency melding, mirror to the world, as one singer-songwriter saw it.

The next generation of that vibe, the present day energy of "somethin's happening here"...although there's no "Man with a gun over there"there may be a camera or a listening device from the stars watching you now....point is the paranoia sure hasn't paled with age...these days the paranoia is the forte of the media and our political leaders. They aren't even stoned and they feed on that stuff like a great banquet.Worse than that, we eat it..like junkies going crazy for something they know deep inside ain't good for them and they do it anyway. Addiction...the humans are seriously addicted to the frequency and emotional energy of fear and anger, judgement and self -importance.

Watching the world go around I can see what I think I remember seeing in the late 60's. The life that was once upon a time normal is disintegrating into the truth. Dylan tells a lot of personal emotional truth. All the qualities that were so cool about his music then are back.

I've learned something over the last few years...when the truth is coming to town a lot of shit is going to hit the fan. Well, it's not really shit, more like all those distorted lies and stories that have no truth too them, they hit the fan. Can you imagine if the truth was to walk into our American Dream and all the lies, all across the board, were called out ? Of course it would have to start in our little homes and communities, we the people would have to be willing to be the change we were looking for.

Levon Helm sings about it in The Bands "The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down"..."Virgil Cain is my name and I served on the Danville train"....So Your gonna have to serve somebody, got any new ideas for life in the 21st century cuse the 20th century version can't take on much more water till that ships going down..Swimming with the rats ain't much of a future...

The good news is we humans create realities with each choice, action, thought and belief so it's only resistance to the coming of the truth that will bring more pain, fear and suffering. We can bring heaven to Earth, will we? Como no..It's All Over Now Baby Blue...I Shall Be Released.....Vaya con Dios, Lee

Carousel

My experience in life shifts and stretches, appears and vanishes, it's all so etheric and compelling. I love showing up, I ask for more life, more living and always more comes until I say "this has to slow down or get more focused". The little things continue to be the most meaningful and the big things seem not so real or interesting.
I live in the flow of the world and I hear from far beyond where this world would seem to end.
As I've come to realize the power in taking myself apart and looking at Me and asking all the questions that I ask about me and what I think I know and where I think I am, I continue to find that I'm not what I want to believe about me. I don't have a definition of what it is I would say I believe I am. Somehow my interest disconnected from being interested in how I think about myself.
The world spins like a Carousel. It's a lot of work trying to spin with the world. It's a lot of work trying to spin with me, my wife says it a lot, my little girl told me last week she's tired of travelling all over, "Can't we just stay in one place for a whole time Daddy?"
If you stop and looked back through your life can you see how you inherited a particular wave and motion that you've carried on. It's a frequency of legacy and it is definitely heritable. I can see mine and I smile and wish I could give my Dad and A.D., my step Dad, a hug. They gave me this intense appetite for living and doing and being as good at whatever I'm doing as I can be.My Mom taught me to see the beauty in the world. She also taught me to not take no for an answer..that ones been tricky..and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
My Mee, that's my wife, last week she went through the medical maze of American medicine. I'm grateful for it but sometimes it's too much too fast without a lot of stepping back and seeing the whole picture first...but that's what makes the insurance, medical testing, hospital staffed biz go round. A lot of people doing great work but it is a bit manic between waiting for hours to see the doctor.
I thank this amazing creation we call life for putting me and Mee in the same orbit together. In some ,sometimes, bizarre way we are a great match but you'd never see that based on your standard personality or census questionnaire. We are not a rational fit, we are a magical fit, way better for the both of us.
Having her need all the medical assistance woke me up to the memory of mortality. We are both here until we're not and I would miss her more than I can imagine if she was not around to love me and sometimes drive me crazy....that's life isn't it.
So maybe stop a minute and consider that there's no one in your life that is guaranteed to be here in the morning. You might send them all your love and gratitude , it only takes an eternal moment and it's as real as the floor your sitting on.In fact the love we share goes on forever and the floor , it only lasts til the real estate values make it obsolete.
Thank you for this day Father and thank you for this Heart of mine Mother...and thank you for never leaving us alone here....Saludos, Lee

In GOD We Trust

IN GOD WE TRUST

It has always amazed me to read this legend in the coins of
the US. And even if I lately have learned to admire and like
this country in many ways, I think there is nothing that is
farther away from the truth, not meaning that in my country
is different, but here I don’t read it in every coin,
reminding me of where we put our trust.

If we trusted God we would not have the need of trying to
control everything, we would know that He or Life is a
greater intelligence than we are and would enjoy what is
there instead of suffering for what is not.

If we trusted God, we would know that her creation is
perfect, complete and divine, that we are part of this
beautiful art and we would not compare, judge and criticize
everything and everybody.

If we trusted God we would know that we have always been in
his heart and just have forgotten who we really are. We have
always rejoiced his heart and are home in him, playing for a
while in forgetfulness.

If we trusted God we would know that this beautiful Earth
is a paradise where there is enough for everybody if we
don’t create hell ourselves.

If we trusted God we would know that we can remember our
divine essence if we learn to listen to the content of our
mind and decide which thoughts I want to believe and which
are only chatter of the normal functioning of an amazing
instrument.

If we trusted God we would have more fun and play, knowing
that we are taken care of and are loved without conditions,
that we don’t have to try so hard, that we don’t have to
justify our existence and that being our selves is not only
enough, but beautiful.

If we trusted God we would not be afraid of crises and
change, we could be able to flow and not suffer imagining
horrible possibilities that will never be.

If we trusted God we would know that the divine purpose of
our existence is to let Life be through us and to be every
day more like our original design.

If we trusted God…we would be in heaven already here and
now.
Let us grow in trust for our own freedom and happiness.
Trust in God, in Life in us!!!



This was sent to me by my dear friend Mahru Ahumada, a beautiful person and good friend from Mexico City.
Sometimes all this work we do seems seperate and out of touch with the world. Like being happy and grateful are just not that easy. Well, grateful and happy are easy, it's the not complicating everything that's not easy. Because we don't know how to live life without complicating everything we do and then we call that "normal" and "the way it is".
We will do whatever is necessary to make ourselves "Right" because right is more important than happy or grateful . Right is even more important than the truth. We are not interested in the truth, we're interested in what we think because we believe what we think is so important.
Already the simple message of living with gratitude and being happy are complicated by all the words. If you want to be happy then maybe you don't need more money or better sex or more clean time or ....maybe all you need do is stop ..stop...stop....
Right now put all your attention on someone or something you have unconditional gratitude or love for and be with that feeling and energy for one minute...there is peace there with that thought...in one second your thinking will take over again and happy and grateful will be too complicated again so you'll do what we have all been taught to do, look for more or less or something,anything outside of ourself to fullfill you. It's a habit , break the habit and you will find happy and grateful already in you where it's always been.....Peace, Lee

So Much At Once

I read a story the other day from a guy who channels some beings called the Hathors. I have no idea what that means, who "they" are or if channeling is real, not real, whatever. You see I am picky about what I choose to Believe these days. To say "I Believe" is an automatic attachment to whatever is connected to that belief and we humans are way over attached to our beliefs and this resulting world we live in. In the piece I read there was what felt like a great truth. The Hathors said that in this time we will live with an unprecedented array of situations all seemingly occurring at once. This is directed at not just the "world" but toward our personal lives as well. Ok, from a big perspective this world has economic melt down, outrageous unbelievable political chaos, corporate[ the great strong hold of American faith]dishonesty and greed being unveiled across the board, collapsing housing values and market, the car makers can't give cars away, our food supply is so contaminated and genetically twisted that nutrition is second to manipulation and profit which leads to unparalleled medical issues such as cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease etc...You get the picture. Oh yeah and the Ozone hole over the poles is growing much faster than the scientists expected which also leads to the ice caps melting and sea levels rising faster than expected so our global weather patterns will be more erratic and challenging than anticipated and that's also happening now, not ten years from now.
Then I read about how screwed the Polar Bears are , they have become so desperate from loss of habitat that they are eating each other to survive which is not really survival at all but self inflicted extinction.
We are the Polar Bears...we are still killing each other over oil, diamonds, defense contracts, drugs, greed and religious arrogance and stupidity.We are just another link in the food chain and guess what, we are in up to our ears in extreme, long term, reality altering, crisis.
So as we say in the language of the Toltec Masteries,"Where is your Attention"? What are you feeding with the energy of your thoughts and beliefs, your fears and desires? We created this world we live in and if this world is going to be something other than what we are doing now, or worse, then We have to begin to look in the Mirror, at our self, you, me ,us. "They" don't exist. "They" waited in New Orleans for "somebody" to save them. They think the Good Ol' Boy U.S.A. is still out there some where. "They"say that change will come with a New President, "they" tell us it's the "terrorists" that we need to fear, "They" Do Not Exist.The terrorists in this world are corporate greed and stealing disguised as profits and return on equity as God.We have lost our love for life and each other and replaced it with our demands and expectations of more and the way it's supposed to be as an alternative reality.All the above exists because we have made it so. We have chosen to live our lives the way we do and we are the only ones who can do life another way.
Yes, it is all happening at once , or appears to be, because we have chosen to only see what is right in front of us, literally, and have in doing so given free reign to "They".When you are addicted to a drug to get clean you have to go through detox. Heroin addicts will tell you they are so terrified of the misery of detox that they will keep using even when they know it's killing them.The cure appears to be worse than the prognosis, so they die.Fear, greed and power are much more addictive than Heroin.
All this is happening like it or not, guilty or not, good, bad and indifferent. So many things coming at us Humans at once. This is what it took to get our attention. We demanded that the script play out exactly as it has and will.
The Hathors also said that if we are to survive then we will need to wake up and take responsibility for how we live in this world, each of us as individuals, then all of us collectively.It doesn't take a channeller or a multidimensional being to figure that one out.
So all at once where is your attention? Are you looking at your world and asking what you might do for real to make life less complicated and to be more responsible in each day with each action you take? I am and I will to the best of my ability.
"They" have Hell to pay and will because "they" see themselves as in power here."They" have so much to try and control and defend that new possibilities will be limited to having to fit into their perception of power structure. I am not responsible for them and I am responsible for me and my family. My attention will be on living each day with love and gratitude and treating others as I want to be treated to the best of my ability.
There was a time in my personal life when it all seemed to come down at once and that is what it took to get my attention and it worked. I fought long and hard at change coming into my life and change came anyway because change is the truth of life and creation and I eventually just let go.
The way "it's" been is history, now we get to create what will be Now. Life goes on with us or with out us..So where's your attention?
VAYA CON DIOS.

Back Home

<
I just got back home, hot , humid, green, Pacific in the front yard home. Another journey to the Dreaming capital of the West Coast, Los Angeles. I had a meeting with an all-time great film producer, Jon Peters and my friend Bob Waldman. Dreaming up new deals, I love it.

While I was there, I got to stop by the Interventionists Conference at The Lowes Hotel in Santa Monica. I know the Lowes well. We hosted our SPIRIT RECOVERY Conference there a couple years back and it's also where our family holed up during last year's Malibu fires. Half of Malibu seemed to be living at The Lowes for a few days during those fires. High-end refugees for sure.

While I was at The Lowes this time, I got to see a bunch of people I hadn't seen for over a year. The conference was a gathering of the business people of the Mental Health Addictions treatment world. World-class characters who'd found a day job helping others help themselves. I've lived the last 10 years close to that world and that community of people. The Ranch's CEO, Miles Adcox, was there with Ryan Martin, our master intake director.

Walking in the exhibit hall felt like a new experience. With hundreds of people all talking, either to each other or on their cell phones or both, there was a dull roar ringing through the building. As I looked around I realized I was completely detached. It was great seeing The Ranch exhibit and Miles and Ryan but for the first time in my 12 year relationship with whatever the word Recovery means I was not affected by the scene at all.

This was cool, to be walking through a situation that for years would get me all jacked up and to have no reaction at all was freedom. Saying hello to people I've known or worked with over the last few years in California was great and I had no agenda or need for anything from anyone. I talked to who I wanted, not to who I felt like I should talk to. It didn't matter who they worked for, or how much business they were doing with us, or anything else. I didn't care, it was just good to see some of the faces.

After an hour I met up with Keith Arnold, an old friend that dedicated many years to Sierra Tucson the treatment program in Arizona that I had checked myself into 11 years before. I always respected Keith and on several occasions tried to figure out how I might get him to go to work with The Ranch. He's a good guy and a smart operator.

Keith and I walked outside and sat on the boardwalk that runs from Venice Beach to Pacific Palisades and talked about the reality of the Recovery world, and what we'd seen over the years and what we were seeing now as opportunities to create a better opportunity for the people trying to help themselves, and how we could contribute to that. This was not a conversation based on bottom line or business deals...none of that stuff. This was two men who know that reality is really just beyond what we call home here on Earth and that doing our best is what we live for today.

Several years before, on one of my visits back to Tucson, I had invited Keith to a Sweat Lodge Ceremony and he'd accepted with great enthusiasm. That was his first sweat and the beginning of his relationship with the Great Mystery of Life's magic. Before we headed back up to the bustle of the conference he said he was going to be with our old friend Albert Sombrero, a Dine' healer and an all around funny human on Saturday at a Ceremony.

So there it was, one of those big circles in life passing through the two of us on the beach in Santa Monica. What had been set in motion in the Sweat lodge in Tucson years before, was still evolving and coming back around through us and we were checking in between rounds. If you know what I'm talking about, that great circle of integrity that flows around and through us all the time but only gets snapshots of recognition in this world today, then you must smile at it all like I'm doing now.

It was great to check in Bob, Keith, Miles and Ryan and all the rest...we are doing it.

In a few minutes my little girls' friends and their families are coming over to our house so we can walk down the beach and watch a big hatch of baby sea turtles set free in the surf for the first time. I'm gonna take my long board so we can paddle out as they swim for the horizon. All of us and those little turtles making another one of those great circles of life that when you catch them in motion makes everything around you feel like magic. It is good to be back home, in this body, in this world , in this life. Peace be with you , Lee

The Sound of The Eboga

A week ago I joined some friends who work with addicts here in Mexico to experience an ancient ceremony that involves the African plant Eboga. They use this power plant to detox Alcoholics,and drug addicts while also eliminating almost all withdrawal symptoms. It is quite amazing to witness after having watched people detox in the U.S., that this ancient African plant eliminates the need for all the meds that the U.S.detox protocols put people on.

I wasn't there to detox. I was there to have a first-hand experience with the Ibogaine so that I could say that I've done it and......This is how I do research and development. When I was invited to my first sweat lodge 10 years ago I said yes because what I had experienced as "recovery" was just not that interesting, and it seemed to me that recreating your life should be a bigger experience than what I had been offered through traditional channels. The same has been true with many experiences over the years. If something feels to me like it holds potential to support people reconnecting with their authenticity, then I jump in personally.

Recovery is simply a doorway to being who we are underneath all the stuff we've come to believe about our self and all attachments, stories, expectations and fears that keep us looking outside of ourselves for what only exists within. To be with the Ibogaine was another opportunity to learn about pathways back to me.

As the drug in the plant began to take effect I heard a buzzing sound, a big buzzing sound that was louder than the soft music that was playing or the ceiling fan whirring. I asked Brian, a nurse that was there to support those who were doing the Ibogaine, what that sound was. He couldn't hear it. Ok so I'm hearing this buzzing like a giant insect sound, Brian looked at me and said the spirit of the plant is coming to you, that's the sound of the Eboga.

During the next 6 hours I had a very deep intense experience with this spirit plant that showed me something amazing. As I lay on the bed watching my mind like you'd watch a T.V. screen, I realized that each thought I had would move like a drop of water toward the screen. As the drop touched the screen there was a ripple effect through the entire field of the mind and then the energy would move beyond the mind to the energy field of the world, creation. I could see the quality of each thought and the subsequent form that would begin to take shape from the impact of the thought on the force field of the mind and then the world. Every thought, no matter how insignificant I may believe it to be, moved through this same process and every thought impacted my mind and the creation around me. With awareness I began to think different types of thoughts, thoughts of fear, love, questions, doubts etc..all of them had impact and all of them took form within the energy of the mind and rippled out through the creation.

So what does all this mean? Well for me it was a big time wake-up call that everything I bring into thought and send out through my mind and into the world becomes a part of the whole creation that we call reality. If I'm angry, afraid, lustful, loving, joyful, expectant, whatever, the thoughts I give power to (and if I follow a thought through I have given it power), they all are woven into this matrix we live in everyday that we call the world. A typical person on a typical day has no awareness at all of all the seemingly unimportant thoughts that they give birth and power too. We think if we don't act on our odd thoughts then nothing happens. That is not true. Creation is a giant soup pot and we are all adding our two cents with every thought and feeling that passes through us.

I don't expect to all of a sudden think only nice things. That won't happen. What I will do is take responsibility for what I am bringing into the world and be way more mindful of where I put my attention. If I keep my attention away from situations that cause me to react in frustration or anxiety, like watching all the insanity that we call news, then I won't be feeding the continuation of this dream of hell on earth that we've become so familiar with that we call it normal.

Earlier I said I wasn't detoxing when I took the ibogaine, that's not entirely true either. I am detoxing. I'm doing my best to detox from the automatic opinions and reactions that go on in this mind of mine if I leave it untended to. I had an amazing experience, and it for sure was not some groovy acid trip. It was a reality shaking wake-up call that I am grateful for.

Recovery is a big deal and when it gets real it goes way beyond socially acceptable guidelines and norms. In fact if recovery were to be of absolute integrity then those who recover would most likely be outcasts from society much like Jesus and Buddha were. It is all a choice and for me there's no choice at all. I'm all in...deal....

Walking Together

We were out of bed at 6 a.m. This was our first Independencia in Mexico—Fourth of July, South of the Border. The morning was overcast so it wasn't too hot. Mee, Lola, Bella and I were headed to San Fransisco {San Pauncho} to walk in the Village Parade. We ate some killer tamales that Lupita's mom made (Lupita is the 16-year-old who takes care of Lola during the weekdays so Mee and I can work a bit), drank a shot of local coffee and off we went.

We were the first family from Bella's Escuela del Mundo to make it to the starting point.Our good friend Gina was also along to support her Mexico's Independence Celebration. By 9:30 the crowd had arrived and we were off to the plaza in the center of the pueblo.

Bella was so proud to be a part of this celebration. I think she must have absorbed some of my love for Mexico. Lola of course was not to be out done so she squeezed into Bella's school group, all two feet of her, and marched along beside Bella toward the sea.

As we walked, the sidewalks and empty lots were filled with the smiling faces of the people of San Pauncho. This was Independence Day with waving flags and food on the streets. The Mexican people are very connected to the dream of Independence. They are proud and still dress with that pride. Mexico has a living connection to the freedom that Independence Day stands for. “VIVA MEXICO, VIVA MEXICO.....”

At the end of the line we stood around the plaza while the kids from the other two schools in San Pauncho recited Patriotic messages and honored their cultural hero's. With the last “Viva Mexico” the group broke into a great street party eating Tacos and Cerviche, drinking Jamaica water and Horchata. While all this was going on the best dressed Queen was chosen from all the kids and she was great, a true Mexican Princessa.

There's a simplicity to life here that I seem to remember from when I was a kid, before I had so many expectations and opinions of what and how everything was "supposed " to be. Everything that happens is not a big production with all the official stuff so thick it overwhelms the fun and simple celebration.

Watching the news the last few days I wonder if the USA isn't headed back to a more simple, genuine life style than what we've aspired to in the last 30 years. It's easy to see where so much faith invested in money, greed and personal wealth as a God, has hit the wall. So the house comes down, like all the kings horses and all the kings men. Can the yahoos in D.C. put it all back together again? I hope not.

I lived a lie for a number of years. Of course at the time I had no idea that's what I was doing, and it was. After the humility and reality of dealing with my delusions and misdirected loyalties, I know today that it took a lot of misery to get me to step back and let go of trying to hold it all together.

I hear President Bush say the economy is still strong, What the fuck is the matter with him? Could he possibly be that stupid? Or is he just such a self absorbed liar that he is incapable of seeing the truth all around him. I say these things not as a finger pointer but as one who has been there myself. Thank God I wasn't President of The United States at that time.

So what do we do now America? Can we get simple and bring our attention back to family and community? Or are we so far gone that we won't let go of demanding that what we think we want we deserve, regardless of how not it's going to happen.

I've watched a lot of addicts not be able to just stop it and let go and most of them are dead now...I think a lot of them never realized that they had a choice, not really. They were just so wired to run on their automatic pilot that no amount of sirens and lights or pain and suffering could get their attention for long.

Where we're at with all this, time will tell, cuse the times they are a changin'.....Vaya con Dios...Lee

A Brave Little Girl

She's my Bella. Her Mom calls her "her" Bella ,that's ok cuse we know she's really my Bella. I can't imagine knowing Love with out my little girls to be it, all the time, all around me.Alexis is 25 now, Anastasia is 21, Bella is 6 and Lola is 2. Too me they are all My girls.
This last week I've seen how the feelings of a child are never "wrong" or "bad". A childs' feelings are the truth of how they feel. Bella started Kindergarden/ first grade in the neighboring village of San Fransisco [San Pauncho] last week when we returned from Los Angeles.
As i watched and listened to both Bella and her mom talk about her experience in this little Mexican Montessori School I was amazed at how honest and open Bella was.You see her school is very small 8 or 9 other kids in her class and it is about the real necessities for education because that's what they have to work with. On her first day we stood outside her class room and watched a wild turkey walk past the little building. I grew up in the woods of Florida, before it was all torn down and built on and spent hours watching wild turkeys so this was a sign for me that we were back in a place where life was not under the totalitarian control of the present culture. In fact somebody here will eat that bird like we used to do.
Bella was loving it. Everything was new and scary and bigger than life. Then she looked at me and asked if she would be ok here in this jungle school. "Oh Bell Bell you'll be great" I said " It will take a little time to get used to everything and make new friends and you will". So she went to school for the first day.
Bella speaks a little Spanish , not much and her school was total immersion, all Spanish, although a couple of the teachers speak perfect English. The first day went ok. The second day was tough. After school Bella cried and said she didn't understand anything that was going on and none of the kids played with her, she was all alone all day.Mee and I were so bummed. What were we doing? Bella is a brilliant little girl in every way and she was so sad.We talked and said to try for this one week and we'd see how it goes. Bella looked at us and said "ok, I'll try my best". My old teacher Miguel Ruiz would have been inspired by her willingness, honesty and courage.She's never read "The Four Agreements" and she is them.
While she was at school the next day I was looking at houses on line in Tennessee and Malibu expecting to need to move back to the U.S. sooner than later. The next day was ok. Then we had a meeting with the Director of the school and said that Bella was feeling left out and lonely and could they help.Of course they said they would do what they could but this was Mexico and Spanish is their language. Boy did I get it in so many ways. I flashed on the millions of non-English speaking kids that come to the U.S. and have to figure it out on their own because in the U.S. English is the official language.
So I did what I do and asked some questions about how, if the school was interested, we might support the non-Spanish speaking kids so they can feel a part of and learn with more ease and less stress.It became about the ones the school is there for, the children. Before two more days had passed Bella had been asked to sit in a circle with her class mates and tell them how she felt, through an interpreter. She's just Six years old and she told them she was afraid and lonely and felt left out. She was honest and sincere and it wasn't anybodies fault, it was what it was. By the time they were done Bella had another bilingual student that would sit with her and help her understand the teaching and two other little girls asked her to join their club.I don't know if I could have done that with such sweet integrity. There was no blame and no good or bad. There was just the truth and the truth brought the best out in everyone involved.
Because of Bella's courage the school saw that the non Spanish speaking kids would benefit from more support.The kids all heard how it feels to be new and different and they brought her into their lives as one of their own, and she is, really, another kid in this gigantic world.Mee and I were totally humbled by the love and courage of our baby and I got to step up and help with bringing another bilingual teacher into the Eschula del Mundo School of San Pauncho, Nayarit, Mexico.
There was never anybody wrong or bad, there was never any blame or even a victim. What there was, was a group of people seeing the truth that a school is a place for Children to learn how to read, write, communicate, share, learn and love. There was no Political agenda or adult driven opinions and craziness. In this little jungle school, in one of the poorest states in Mexico, a group of humans made the world a better place by not losing sight of the importance of simply taking care of our babies.
I came away so proud of my wife and her getting in there with Bella to see how she really was doing and also with the beautiful staff at the school for doing what all teachers get into the profession for, they made the children the priority.
I also had flashes of all my daughters and all I've witnessed in their lives and how brave and honest they all have tried to be , even when I couldn't hear that kind of honesty.I can hear it today and I can feel it and I thank the creator for showing so much Love and light through the eyes of the children.
Tomorrow's a new day and there will be more stuff that has to be delt with and for my family that will be whatever it is and we will do it together.
Peace Be With You, Lee

HENRY

This is Henry. He's also a '56. We share the same arrival year, 1956. Where were you in 56'???? That sounds funny, like it was the Civil War or something. My relationship with time has been very weird. Some days, I feel like " Ok, we're not 25 anymore, " and sometimes "I'm having this experience of time, and I'm not that".

The reality check is most interesting when looking at women. I am a heterosexual Male of the species, for sure, complete. Looking at women is where time gets way lost from the moment. You see with time and life I have come to Love and respect the Divine Feminine and that's not really the most sincere way to say it. The truth is, I see the Sacred Mother in the eyes of women from my 2 year old Granddaughter to my 25 year old Daughter. I see the eyes of the Mother in my Wife and our 2 and five year old little angel characters that are the Mother at her most amazing and vocal. I also love the perfection of form and the presence of HEART when a woman gives you a hug. My Mother has loved me as unconditionally and Divinely as is possible considering she had to deal with me.The Divine Mother is a timeless presence that fills all the spaces between the spaces. She is not really a she at all but rather a force. The presence of life, movement, change, emotion all eminate from her presence. There is no time on her clock, only now. And so time moves on, and on and on and the Divine feminine is with us always allowing us the time of our lives.

Time has spun and spun and the web gets more etheric and mysterious. There is the grace of the Mother on one side and on the other, there's Henry. I bought Henry one day while driving from Malibu to Topanga Canyon to look at a Sweat lodge site. I was working with a Treatment Center in Malibu and wanted to bring the Love and power of the IniPi ceremony to that experience so I needed a Lodge. On the way over we, my buddy Michael Brown and I, passed Henry sitting on the side of the road with sign in his front window. On the way back we stopped.

I was gone in a time warp. My Dad always drove old Apache Carry-alls or Apache pick-ups. The smell, the feel even the sound of the door slamming was a flashback of feeling and memory. That was it, this truck was my chance to sit where my Dad sat and drive my way through time, a 52 year old boy, me, him and all those memories cruising around Malibu. We did our time too. Five years of running up and down the PCH with my boards in the back, surfing breaks that had been my fantasy world in 1972. Tripping time out again.

Now Henry is hanging at The Ranch in Tennessee. When we moved to Mexico I shipped Henry back so I could bounce around the Ranch with my daughters and granddaughters and my Mee looking at the horses and the "baby Vacas" as Lola says. I have spent the last 10 years looking at life, myself and the creation that moves around me and one day I'd love to send Bella off to school in Henry, although her little sister Lola will probably have something to say about that.

Love is really the one constant that shows up, bringing that sweet feeling of life to the experience in front of an old car or a house you once lived in. It's the love and life that were shared there that bring those moments to life, boom. We weren't taught much about love growing up, not the kind of Love that we are held in always just beyond what we're living as Human. The kind of Love that sat for years under the Bodhi Tree or saw the Cross as an expression of the truth that just beyond this world there is the unconditional Love of the infinite. It doesn't seem to matter whether the love of the moment is your best friend across the room or a memory from Cinquenta Años Pasado, 50 years passed, in that moment the Love is, and that's enough to know.

Life is really trying to be good to us, all our choices lined up for years and years and all we have to do is choose. Didn't take but a moment to choose Henry and we'll run til we're done. That's a lot to get out of a 1956 GMC pickup but that's what I do when I sit around and dream.....Onward through the Fog...... The photo of Henry and the cattle on Pinewood Farm were taken my the most wonderful IVA PEELE, Thanks Iva.....Lee

Mystery and Invitation

There must be a great network extending throughout the universe that connects all the aspects of our individual lives with the potential of others with like-minded intentions and motivations. I say this today after having flown back to L.A. from the peace and most interesting world of Sayulita, to meet a man I'd never heard of who has, in his own right, been a great creator of realities. What we seem to share on first meeting is a powerful passion for life and a nature that tends to not give a damn what other people think. That's not the same as not caring about other people, in fact it is almost, in this case, just the opposite.

Living with great passion is a gift and if allowed to rule us, a curse. Passion gives attraction the power to move Mountains and bring Hearts and Nations to their greatest heights and lowest lows. Passion feeds me. Seemingly, out of nowhere, and then of course with great certainty, connections appear that connect people of passion as like attracts like.

That's the Universe, always morphing, unfurling and unravelling, reality, before us.The invitation of life is always extended to join in or take a seat and watch. I don't care much for sitting unless it's deliberate. People of great passion live life with feeling and color, with action and intent. Passion is a respect for life and consequently a respect for others' versions of life. Passion requires personal responsibility and ruthless honesty with oneself or it can become shallow and self indulgent which is then no longer passion but self importance and arrogance. People with little passion seem to not understand those who are driven by passion. Of course not.The same is true in reverse.

Today I'm quite intrigued by passion’s calling and the cast that's being assembled to do the work of the angels here in this world. Dreaming Heaven requires seeing hell for all it's offerings and opportunities to create from what is and what might be if Love were to choreograph the show. And so we shall see....I do love this life..and I am indebted to the opportunities that seem to flow always toward the horizon....Peace be with you, Lee

WHERE TO NOW St. PETER

My last Blog was written sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal house in Bermuda. Time line wise that would be six weeks ago, not a great deal of time and at this moment it seems like a memory from another world.

From Bermuda we traveled back to The Ranch in Tennessee for a couple weeks, then on to New York City and my wife's Italian family reunion. What a trip,I mean not for nuthin', they are all so warm and crazy. I got to meet my Mee's legacy and it was a great gift. I'd only been to New York once before so the experience of the city was new and surreal. I do spend time in Mexico City with all the coming and going to Teotihuacan. Mexico City is a world unto itself with 20 million plus residents. New York on the other hand, felt so livable and eclectic. We were staying in our friends, Iva and Jerry Peele's, apartment in Greenwich Village, the west Village to be exact. I love the feeling of walking out of the apartment building and into the street. There's so much life happening in New York. So many little realities all converging in the same place at the same time.

For years the idea of New York seemed unattractive to me, so I never went. That's how I made a lot of decisions, by how something I'd never experienced, felt or sounded, rather than by having an open mind and finding out for real. I lived a lot of my life based on assumptions and then would go one step further and create stories from those assumptions which I plugged into my perspective as though those stories came from actual experience. I was not doing that this time. This time I was walking down Greenwich Street in the warm August air looking for a diner to have breakfast with my family and friends. There was life going on everywhere. On the street, in the shops, at the park—movement and color, talk and laughter. We found our Diner and they even had Grits. What a trip, eating grits in a little Diner in the west village. You gotta love it.

After breakfast we walked to the Bleeker Street park and let Bella and Lola be kids for a while. I immediately noticed the great mix of color and language that blended into the swirl of children. They all played , laughed, ran and negotiated their sharing together with only an occasional whine, and that never lasted more than a second or two. Kids don't fall into dark holes of argument and anger cus their attention doesn't seem to stay hooked by those temptations. They have better things to do, like enjoy the moment. I actually saw this happening while I looked on and something about the simple truth of putting my attention into what I enjoy came clear to me.That's how I want to live my life.

Sure, as adults we have responsibilities that aren't fun or exciting, but neither are they painful or terrible unless we make them so. I may not want to do something and I don't have to make the experience miserable just to prove to myself I don't like it. So what, big deal, who cares, life moves on. It's us humans that decide to stay stuck on the things we don't like or we don't agree with. That's not life doing anything to us that's us doing it to us.

We spent five days in the great city of New York, saw THE LITTLE MERMAID on Broadway, ate, drank, walked and then took the train upstate to Iva and Jerry's farm, Herondale, in Ancramdale, N.Y.[ herondalefarm.com] Man, it's really beautiful in the Hudson River Valley in August. After a couple nights on the farm we headed back to the city and our flight home to Mexico.

Tennessee, Bermuda, New York City, Herondale Farm, Mexico City, Teotihuacan, Sayulita......exhale.........

As I feel my way back through the great summer journey, I realize it may take a day or two for all of me to regroup here on the west coast of Mexico in our little Village of Sayulita. All the energy and happenings in the U.S. are a great temptation to go back and do more, and right now we're considering lots of options that may just take us back North to GringoLandia. What I know is that the longer I stay here living on the wild jungle coast of Mexico the less chance that busy world of American opportunity has of reeling me back in. Either way, it is for real,and all good.

So for all the uncertainty that freedom offers, I look out to sea and hear Sir Elton John in the background...SO, WHERE TO NOW ST. PETER, IF IT'S TRUE I'M IN YOUR HANDS..........Peace Be With You, Lee

Time Travel, Bermuda, The Borg

Looking out the kitchen window the Atlantic stretches as far as my eyes can see. This 300 year old house is beginning to wake up, or I guess I should say we humans are beginning to wake up.Last night we had a great party in honor of this Bermudian homestead. This is our second year to travel to this Island in the Sun and share our adventure in life with all of the perspectives and awareness that we've gained since our awakening began years ago. Bermuda is a great Mountain top perched in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is 24 miles long with some sixty thousand residents. There is more coral reef surrounding this mountain top than there is dry land. At last nights dinner we were graced with the company of several native sons and daughters of Bermuda.When you sit with the locals the conversations seem to always come around to stories of the family legacies. Of great Grand Father and Grand Mother who, in formal attire, rode their pedal bikes several miles to attend Island dances then at the end of the evening rode home. The family connection is so strong that I'm told by those who are sensitive to such things that dying on Bermuda does not necessarily mean leaving the Island. I mean, this sure looks like a neighborhood in Heaven to me, so why leave? That might explain the doors in this old home opening and closing of their own volition. A lot of the locals don't want anything to do with the notion of ghosts and spirits so they go silent if you bring up the subject. Our crew attending the dinner party last night had no such resistance. In fact our party was held to honor all those that have called this Ardsheal House home over the last 300 years.



Whether you believe in ghosts or spirits or not is really not important. What I find very interesting is how the ones that were here before us live on through the legacies they leave behind, passing them down to us. Throughout my experience in unravelling, the unravelling that is so important to those who would truly recover from from their inheritance of Drama, suffering, addictions etc....,that until we've taken our self apart, questioning all those beliefs , stories and inclinations that we accepted in the blind faith of childhood and the irresponsibility of half awake adulthood, until we've done that work for the sake of our truth in this moment, we are in a most interesting way all living ghosts of our inheritance of legacy. Our legacy is what those that came before left behind, generation to generation, from one point of view that legacy is a living ghost that we walk into and carry with us or wake up to and recreate. So maybe you do , maybe you don't, believe in ghosts....that's no big deal either way but what could be a big deal is if you are living your inherited legacy asleep[ a living, breathing, apparition] or have you taken the time and interest to realize that your life is the opportunity to grow and evolve to the great potential that life and creation blessed you with at the moment of your conception.


In my childhood questioning my parents was taken as an insult and I quickly figured out, not smart. So instead I took in their point of view and beliefs and turned my questions and arguments inward. That set up was then carried on to church , school, college etc..Rather than learning a healthy productive way of looking at and questioning authority I became a bit of a home grown terrorist. When all the stuff that I thought was bullshit would get to be too much rather than strike out toward authority I would strike out on myself. Eventually I learned but that took a lot years and a boat load of brain cells as well as one marriage and the suffering and heart break of my little girls. Of course I am completely responsible for how I navigated my life during those times and I'm also responsible for making my way here to this moment sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal pecking away at this laptop.

So what's the point? We all inherit a legacy. Big picture, it's the legacy of being human , on a more personal level we inherit the specific legacy of our family, culture, hometown etc....Legacies are passed on through time.Time seems to be always moving on and it's our , human, choice to live in step with times' opportunities to evolve toward true freedom and awareness or to carry the past around [our legacy] demanding that the present be what we brought with us as though life has nothing new to offer. To tell you the truth it's not the old dead ghosts that scare me in this world but the living breathing projections of the past that are carried on in the insanity of Inherited fundamentalism and life squandering rationales [ which are the furthest thing from rational] of fear along with traditions of small minded, bizarrely distorted, superstitious,living hosts. At times we humans appear to have more in common with the Borgs on Star Trek than we do the children of God. I'm all for time travel and the cool thing is I'm doing it all the time and don't need a machine at all. The only requirement is that I show up and participate with my free will admission ticket. So to all that's come before thank you for offering me so much to learn from your having been here and to all that lies ahead I'm coming and to right now that beautiful warm Atlantic water is calling me home. I love you Life...Peace, Lee