Feeling my Way Back

I have to stop to write. Seems like since my last post I haven't stopped til last weekend at CIRCLES OF LIGHT. This is Sunday Morning and Waylon is singing in the kitchen downstairs, i-pod style, man I first met Waylon Jennings in 1978 in Nashville. I had just moved to Nashville to be a singer, to follow my dreams. There weren't any i-pods in 1978 but by God there were some real heavyhearted soulful singers around Nashville. I miss how authentic the music was back then.
Like the rest of the culture of the USA authenticity is dying like the Bee's.

My Princes Know it All cooked eggs and miso soup for breakfast, a healing your soul kind of mix that is our life today. When Mee and I met we lived on different planets. Her's was Los Angeles, the City of the Angels and mine was Piney River Cattle Co. , Tennessee, land of the family legacy and my waking up place. From the outside you'd have never given us a snowballs chance in Bermuda of becoming a family. Just goes to show you how off our perception is when it comes to really seeing who we are underneath the trappings of surviving in this culture. We stuck, together, and grew in all directions like light spreading from a star. These days she listens to Marty Robbins and Loretta Lynn as much as Lady Gaga or Juanes. We fell in love with life together. California, Mexico, Tennessee, dreaming our dreams, together and now with Isabella Lee and Lola LillyAna Pauline, we meet in bed at night and talk about how we are and what we want together.We miss Mexico, the Heart of that beautiful Country and her people. I miss the ocean, where I was born, by the great waters of this Earth.

Then there is Tennessee, Tennessee has become a portal all it's own. From the floods came a deep lasting journey into the Underworld. I was there a long time. Reconnecting with why I was here in the first place and why was it that I was working so hard to keep this relationship alive and growing. The Ranch with all it's beauty, healing magic and soul almost fell into that great void of the underworld and was lost. Just in time a new relationship came to bring a new aspect of integrity to The Ranch and our families relationship to Tennessee, the Ranch, Life and creation. You see Mee and I live to be creative, that's a big part of what connects us. Creativity is life and life is light and that light has to flow for us. So we fit together bringing our visions to life.

The Ranch brought a group of guys from the West coast, California, another love of our families, to the rescue. As one Ranch relationship was dying hard another was born of that light.
Today we have torn down the old commissary building at The Ranch. It was built in 1836 and it was time. I saved most all the materials and they will be resurrected in their own time. We also took down the medical house to make way for a new structure, new life, new dreams. That's how it is for us. Dreaming means not knowing exactly and trusting with Faith to go for it anyway. Feel your way into the next day, the next choice the next opportunity.
My teacher don Miguel Ruiz just had a new Heart transplanted in his chest. A miracle of modern medicine. As I give gratitude for Miguels life I give gratitude for all life, for so many opportunities and so much love and laughter.Miguel will now bring a new light to his gifts to this world as will The Ranch as will each of us that awakens to the greatest gift of all, the moment and all that fills that moment with life and wonder. Somethings coming and we are it..May Peace be with you all..Ometeotl

2009 Earth Log- Deep in the Milky Way

The morning came soft and quiet. Middle Tennessee, January, Sunrise.
It's cold outside, white frost blankets the pastures around our double wide. I gotta get up and turn on the heater, the electric heat is too much to sleep well ,so one of us turns it up to 70 degrees when we wake up.
The cows are in the pasture across the road, too far to hear them from inside the house, it's Silent except for the sounds of Bella Lola and Mee sleeping.
Memories flash, I still visit my Dad in the early morning memories that float around my consciousness, he loved Ranch life, cattle, early morning and cold clear air. The storm door on our trailer lets me open the main door and let the light in without freezing us out.
There is a fresh buzz in my body. A new vibe for what I've connected to in my dreaming what my returning to The Ranch will bring. I feel alive and excited and, flash, I'm back in our little beach house in Sayulita looking at the waves, sad creeps into my feelings, sad to be moving on and excited to be coming back to home , Tennessee.
Over the last year I've lived a fantasy and a reality. I've tried to soak up as much of my being in Mexico as I could and know completely that She, The Mother, the heart of Mexico and her people, now beats in my body, in my cells and will do so until I've moved on from being the me in this body. She is only as distant as my attention is turned away from her place within me.

2009 the day of the Lord, When the divinity returns to us....That's Miguel's "Circle of Fire Prayer", I send you my love and respect don Miguel, and thank you for showing up for the children of San Pauncho last October.Dreaming Heaven is our business and what a great business it is.This is the day that I make the commitment to The Mother, La Virgincita, Tonantzin,Maya..our Divine Mother embodied in this Earth and in our form, I make the commitment that for me this is her year and I will carry within me her presence and compassion stopping to remember that she is with me always.

One of my creations will be here at The Ranch where we have an old well that's waited for me to hear her voice..."remember me?", she asks, " I am the well of the Place of the Women in Teotihuacan, I am the heart of the world and I am here within you and around you. Bring me your love and your wounded and we will heal their sadness and fears. Build me a Capilla and decorate me with beauty and dreams and a great light will shine from this place." She called me back from my beach in Mexico to be her helper, of course I say yes,,,although I did ask more than once "are you sure, you know I love my spot in Sayulita and I'll be good"..That's what faith is for me, the willingness to do what needs doing before I let my personality limit me to what is known.

Deep in the Milky Way there is a beautiful green and blue planet that is inhabited by a species of amazing Dreamers who are coming closer to awakening to the truth of their Dreaming. 2009 is here, we are here, the truth is here..all of creation is supporting our coming to the light. That calling has been building for years and all we need do is let go and Dream from Faith.

In the background Mee is running the vacuum cleaner, Bella is decorating a New Years cake for the Laughing Winds Party later and Lola just dumped a whole bottle of chocolate chips on the floor. Thank you Creator for Loving me like this..I am so grateful for it all....Feliz Ano Nuevo...Listen! ....Our Mother is calling you too and she's so happy to have you listen.
Peace Be With You....Lee

WHERE TO NOW St. PETER

My last Blog was written sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal house in Bermuda. Time line wise that would be six weeks ago, not a great deal of time and at this moment it seems like a memory from another world.

From Bermuda we traveled back to The Ranch in Tennessee for a couple weeks, then on to New York City and my wife's Italian family reunion. What a trip,I mean not for nuthin', they are all so warm and crazy. I got to meet my Mee's legacy and it was a great gift. I'd only been to New York once before so the experience of the city was new and surreal. I do spend time in Mexico City with all the coming and going to Teotihuacan. Mexico City is a world unto itself with 20 million plus residents. New York on the other hand, felt so livable and eclectic. We were staying in our friends, Iva and Jerry Peele's, apartment in Greenwich Village, the west Village to be exact. I love the feeling of walking out of the apartment building and into the street. There's so much life happening in New York. So many little realities all converging in the same place at the same time.

For years the idea of New York seemed unattractive to me, so I never went. That's how I made a lot of decisions, by how something I'd never experienced, felt or sounded, rather than by having an open mind and finding out for real. I lived a lot of my life based on assumptions and then would go one step further and create stories from those assumptions which I plugged into my perspective as though those stories came from actual experience. I was not doing that this time. This time I was walking down Greenwich Street in the warm August air looking for a diner to have breakfast with my family and friends. There was life going on everywhere. On the street, in the shops, at the park—movement and color, talk and laughter. We found our Diner and they even had Grits. What a trip, eating grits in a little Diner in the west village. You gotta love it.

After breakfast we walked to the Bleeker Street park and let Bella and Lola be kids for a while. I immediately noticed the great mix of color and language that blended into the swirl of children. They all played , laughed, ran and negotiated their sharing together with only an occasional whine, and that never lasted more than a second or two. Kids don't fall into dark holes of argument and anger cus their attention doesn't seem to stay hooked by those temptations. They have better things to do, like enjoy the moment. I actually saw this happening while I looked on and something about the simple truth of putting my attention into what I enjoy came clear to me.That's how I want to live my life.

Sure, as adults we have responsibilities that aren't fun or exciting, but neither are they painful or terrible unless we make them so. I may not want to do something and I don't have to make the experience miserable just to prove to myself I don't like it. So what, big deal, who cares, life moves on. It's us humans that decide to stay stuck on the things we don't like or we don't agree with. That's not life doing anything to us that's us doing it to us.

We spent five days in the great city of New York, saw THE LITTLE MERMAID on Broadway, ate, drank, walked and then took the train upstate to Iva and Jerry's farm, Herondale, in Ancramdale, N.Y.[ herondalefarm.com] Man, it's really beautiful in the Hudson River Valley in August. After a couple nights on the farm we headed back to the city and our flight home to Mexico.

Tennessee, Bermuda, New York City, Herondale Farm, Mexico City, Teotihuacan, Sayulita......exhale.........

As I feel my way back through the great summer journey, I realize it may take a day or two for all of me to regroup here on the west coast of Mexico in our little Village of Sayulita. All the energy and happenings in the U.S. are a great temptation to go back and do more, and right now we're considering lots of options that may just take us back North to GringoLandia. What I know is that the longer I stay here living on the wild jungle coast of Mexico the less chance that busy world of American opportunity has of reeling me back in. Either way, it is for real,and all good.

So for all the uncertainty that freedom offers, I look out to sea and hear Sir Elton John in the background...SO, WHERE TO NOW ST. PETER, IF IT'S TRUE I'M IN YOUR HANDS..........Peace Be With You, Lee