Way too Much Thinking

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! Heard that before, right? I've said it to myself a million times, what were you thinking....

Thinking is the problem here, not the solution. I think because I've been taught, programmed, demanded of and supported in thinking being the way to live my life.As long as I'm thinking I'm pretty much out of range for any other source of inspiration or source of wisdom. In my working with people that are in "recovery", italicized because I don't care for that label being an identity as though people in recovery are separate from all the other people walking around on the planet.Once again, recovery people have been taught to "think" they are different, not normal, as though there is a normal, not.In my work I've asked many times "If you have a problem what do you do about coming up with a solution?" You think about it, right.

Thinking seems to mostly come from old experiences, thoughts, ideas, info, etc...from stuff we've ingested over the course of our lives.All that knowledge is fuel for our minds machinations about who we are, where we are, why we are, are we this, are we that, how do we fit in, how can we be better...Lets go one more step..the mind says, " Is that reasonable?" and we answer our mind, that's what we do, we answer our own mind as though our mind were in charge..is it? Is your mind in charge of your life? Have you ever asked your other self, not the mind self but the one that listens to the mind self, have you ever asked, " Am I my mind", Of course unless you have some awareness beyond the tyranny of your mind you won't get an answer that the mind doesn't craft to fit into it's familiar program. That process alone distorts any new sources of perspective from getting through unscathed.

Beyond all the chatter of mind voices there is a presence that speaks from a deeper, softer, place. Listening to the presence touches feeling and our body. We literally feel the words within. This presence is of the Heart, the sacred heart, eternal heart, the heart of the Mother, Creator, Dreamer. The voice of the heart will not compete with the voices of the mind. Truth has no sense of competition and no need to be right. Truth as brought forward through the voice of the heart is the Divine speaking as Human.

The challenge for all of us who live with "reasonable" as our guide is the challenge to take attention away from the relentless chatter of mind blabber and shift that attention to the feeling and presence of heart language. Living loyal to the mind is living with reaction as the great decider, no W jokes intended but it fits. Our world is the result of how we humans have reacted to our experiences in this world. There wasn't much choice involved, not really. The choices were all limited to the reasons list of options.While we create all this history the Heart goes along for the ride waiting , waiting, for our attention to return to that space within us that has never forgotten what the voice of truth sounds like.That space within us that has been the witness to all the insanity of how we've come to live life in this world.

In my recovery work I've seen over and over people trying to "get it" when getting it is just another aspect of the mind ruling it's domain, you, me, them. We already have "it" we just don't know how to listen and feel with "it"."It" is the presence, truth, Love of life speaking through us and too us. No amount of thinking can make that connection, no amount of figuring it out or being good enough or doing it right can make that connection. That connection has never gone anywhere. That connection is what we are.

Thinking is great as a tool to work through this matrix of life on Earth. Thinking is a great gift when used responsibly. Funny thing is the humans have become thinking junkies and the thinking has lost it's connection to the source that gave it a home in the first place.

My last year living in the Heart of Mexico has brought my attention back to that presence within me and now I see that presence as my guiding light and greatest companion. I'll still think too much but not for nearly as long a time. Ok..time to go...I love you life...Thanks for the little things...Lee

The Sound of The Eboga

A week ago I joined some friends who work with addicts here in Mexico to experience an ancient ceremony that involves the African plant Eboga. They use this power plant to detox Alcoholics,and drug addicts while also eliminating almost all withdrawal symptoms. It is quite amazing to witness after having watched people detox in the U.S., that this ancient African plant eliminates the need for all the meds that the U.S.detox protocols put people on.

I wasn't there to detox. I was there to have a first-hand experience with the Ibogaine so that I could say that I've done it and......This is how I do research and development. When I was invited to my first sweat lodge 10 years ago I said yes because what I had experienced as "recovery" was just not that interesting, and it seemed to me that recreating your life should be a bigger experience than what I had been offered through traditional channels. The same has been true with many experiences over the years. If something feels to me like it holds potential to support people reconnecting with their authenticity, then I jump in personally.

Recovery is simply a doorway to being who we are underneath all the stuff we've come to believe about our self and all attachments, stories, expectations and fears that keep us looking outside of ourselves for what only exists within. To be with the Ibogaine was another opportunity to learn about pathways back to me.

As the drug in the plant began to take effect I heard a buzzing sound, a big buzzing sound that was louder than the soft music that was playing or the ceiling fan whirring. I asked Brian, a nurse that was there to support those who were doing the Ibogaine, what that sound was. He couldn't hear it. Ok so I'm hearing this buzzing like a giant insect sound, Brian looked at me and said the spirit of the plant is coming to you, that's the sound of the Eboga.

During the next 6 hours I had a very deep intense experience with this spirit plant that showed me something amazing. As I lay on the bed watching my mind like you'd watch a T.V. screen, I realized that each thought I had would move like a drop of water toward the screen. As the drop touched the screen there was a ripple effect through the entire field of the mind and then the energy would move beyond the mind to the energy field of the world, creation. I could see the quality of each thought and the subsequent form that would begin to take shape from the impact of the thought on the force field of the mind and then the world. Every thought, no matter how insignificant I may believe it to be, moved through this same process and every thought impacted my mind and the creation around me. With awareness I began to think different types of thoughts, thoughts of fear, love, questions, doubts etc..all of them had impact and all of them took form within the energy of the mind and rippled out through the creation.

So what does all this mean? Well for me it was a big time wake-up call that everything I bring into thought and send out through my mind and into the world becomes a part of the whole creation that we call reality. If I'm angry, afraid, lustful, loving, joyful, expectant, whatever, the thoughts I give power to (and if I follow a thought through I have given it power), they all are woven into this matrix we live in everyday that we call the world. A typical person on a typical day has no awareness at all of all the seemingly unimportant thoughts that they give birth and power too. We think if we don't act on our odd thoughts then nothing happens. That is not true. Creation is a giant soup pot and we are all adding our two cents with every thought and feeling that passes through us.

I don't expect to all of a sudden think only nice things. That won't happen. What I will do is take responsibility for what I am bringing into the world and be way more mindful of where I put my attention. If I keep my attention away from situations that cause me to react in frustration or anxiety, like watching all the insanity that we call news, then I won't be feeding the continuation of this dream of hell on earth that we've become so familiar with that we call it normal.

Earlier I said I wasn't detoxing when I took the ibogaine, that's not entirely true either. I am detoxing. I'm doing my best to detox from the automatic opinions and reactions that go on in this mind of mine if I leave it untended to. I had an amazing experience, and it for sure was not some groovy acid trip. It was a reality shaking wake-up call that I am grateful for.

Recovery is a big deal and when it gets real it goes way beyond socially acceptable guidelines and norms. In fact if recovery were to be of absolute integrity then those who recover would most likely be outcasts from society much like Jesus and Buddha were. It is all a choice and for me there's no choice at all. I'm all in...deal....