The Sound of The Eboga

A week ago I joined some friends who work with addicts here in Mexico to experience an ancient ceremony that involves the African plant Eboga. They use this power plant to detox Alcoholics,and drug addicts while also eliminating almost all withdrawal symptoms. It is quite amazing to witness after having watched people detox in the U.S., that this ancient African plant eliminates the need for all the meds that the U.S.detox protocols put people on.

I wasn't there to detox. I was there to have a first-hand experience with the Ibogaine so that I could say that I've done it and......This is how I do research and development. When I was invited to my first sweat lodge 10 years ago I said yes because what I had experienced as "recovery" was just not that interesting, and it seemed to me that recreating your life should be a bigger experience than what I had been offered through traditional channels. The same has been true with many experiences over the years. If something feels to me like it holds potential to support people reconnecting with their authenticity, then I jump in personally.

Recovery is simply a doorway to being who we are underneath all the stuff we've come to believe about our self and all attachments, stories, expectations and fears that keep us looking outside of ourselves for what only exists within. To be with the Ibogaine was another opportunity to learn about pathways back to me.

As the drug in the plant began to take effect I heard a buzzing sound, a big buzzing sound that was louder than the soft music that was playing or the ceiling fan whirring. I asked Brian, a nurse that was there to support those who were doing the Ibogaine, what that sound was. He couldn't hear it. Ok so I'm hearing this buzzing like a giant insect sound, Brian looked at me and said the spirit of the plant is coming to you, that's the sound of the Eboga.

During the next 6 hours I had a very deep intense experience with this spirit plant that showed me something amazing. As I lay on the bed watching my mind like you'd watch a T.V. screen, I realized that each thought I had would move like a drop of water toward the screen. As the drop touched the screen there was a ripple effect through the entire field of the mind and then the energy would move beyond the mind to the energy field of the world, creation. I could see the quality of each thought and the subsequent form that would begin to take shape from the impact of the thought on the force field of the mind and then the world. Every thought, no matter how insignificant I may believe it to be, moved through this same process and every thought impacted my mind and the creation around me. With awareness I began to think different types of thoughts, thoughts of fear, love, questions, doubts etc..all of them had impact and all of them took form within the energy of the mind and rippled out through the creation.

So what does all this mean? Well for me it was a big time wake-up call that everything I bring into thought and send out through my mind and into the world becomes a part of the whole creation that we call reality. If I'm angry, afraid, lustful, loving, joyful, expectant, whatever, the thoughts I give power to (and if I follow a thought through I have given it power), they all are woven into this matrix we live in everyday that we call the world. A typical person on a typical day has no awareness at all of all the seemingly unimportant thoughts that they give birth and power too. We think if we don't act on our odd thoughts then nothing happens. That is not true. Creation is a giant soup pot and we are all adding our two cents with every thought and feeling that passes through us.

I don't expect to all of a sudden think only nice things. That won't happen. What I will do is take responsibility for what I am bringing into the world and be way more mindful of where I put my attention. If I keep my attention away from situations that cause me to react in frustration or anxiety, like watching all the insanity that we call news, then I won't be feeding the continuation of this dream of hell on earth that we've become so familiar with that we call it normal.

Earlier I said I wasn't detoxing when I took the ibogaine, that's not entirely true either. I am detoxing. I'm doing my best to detox from the automatic opinions and reactions that go on in this mind of mine if I leave it untended to. I had an amazing experience, and it for sure was not some groovy acid trip. It was a reality shaking wake-up call that I am grateful for.

Recovery is a big deal and when it gets real it goes way beyond socially acceptable guidelines and norms. In fact if recovery were to be of absolute integrity then those who recover would most likely be outcasts from society much like Jesus and Buddha were. It is all a choice and for me there's no choice at all. I'm all in...deal....

Walking Together

We were out of bed at 6 a.m. This was our first Independencia in Mexico—Fourth of July, South of the Border. The morning was overcast so it wasn't too hot. Mee, Lola, Bella and I were headed to San Fransisco {San Pauncho} to walk in the Village Parade. We ate some killer tamales that Lupita's mom made (Lupita is the 16-year-old who takes care of Lola during the weekdays so Mee and I can work a bit), drank a shot of local coffee and off we went.

We were the first family from Bella's Escuela del Mundo to make it to the starting point.Our good friend Gina was also along to support her Mexico's Independence Celebration. By 9:30 the crowd had arrived and we were off to the plaza in the center of the pueblo.

Bella was so proud to be a part of this celebration. I think she must have absorbed some of my love for Mexico. Lola of course was not to be out done so she squeezed into Bella's school group, all two feet of her, and marched along beside Bella toward the sea.

As we walked, the sidewalks and empty lots were filled with the smiling faces of the people of San Pauncho. This was Independence Day with waving flags and food on the streets. The Mexican people are very connected to the dream of Independence. They are proud and still dress with that pride. Mexico has a living connection to the freedom that Independence Day stands for. “VIVA MEXICO, VIVA MEXICO.....”

At the end of the line we stood around the plaza while the kids from the other two schools in San Pauncho recited Patriotic messages and honored their cultural hero's. With the last “Viva Mexico” the group broke into a great street party eating Tacos and Cerviche, drinking Jamaica water and Horchata. While all this was going on the best dressed Queen was chosen from all the kids and she was great, a true Mexican Princessa.

There's a simplicity to life here that I seem to remember from when I was a kid, before I had so many expectations and opinions of what and how everything was "supposed " to be. Everything that happens is not a big production with all the official stuff so thick it overwhelms the fun and simple celebration.

Watching the news the last few days I wonder if the USA isn't headed back to a more simple, genuine life style than what we've aspired to in the last 30 years. It's easy to see where so much faith invested in money, greed and personal wealth as a God, has hit the wall. So the house comes down, like all the kings horses and all the kings men. Can the yahoos in D.C. put it all back together again? I hope not.

I lived a lie for a number of years. Of course at the time I had no idea that's what I was doing, and it was. After the humility and reality of dealing with my delusions and misdirected loyalties, I know today that it took a lot of misery to get me to step back and let go of trying to hold it all together.

I hear President Bush say the economy is still strong, What the fuck is the matter with him? Could he possibly be that stupid? Or is he just such a self absorbed liar that he is incapable of seeing the truth all around him. I say these things not as a finger pointer but as one who has been there myself. Thank God I wasn't President of The United States at that time.

So what do we do now America? Can we get simple and bring our attention back to family and community? Or are we so far gone that we won't let go of demanding that what we think we want we deserve, regardless of how not it's going to happen.

I've watched a lot of addicts not be able to just stop it and let go and most of them are dead now...I think a lot of them never realized that they had a choice, not really. They were just so wired to run on their automatic pilot that no amount of sirens and lights or pain and suffering could get their attention for long.

Where we're at with all this, time will tell, cuse the times they are a changin'.....Vaya con Dios...Lee

A Brave Little Girl

She's my Bella. Her Mom calls her "her" Bella ,that's ok cuse we know she's really my Bella. I can't imagine knowing Love with out my little girls to be it, all the time, all around me.Alexis is 25 now, Anastasia is 21, Bella is 6 and Lola is 2. Too me they are all My girls.
This last week I've seen how the feelings of a child are never "wrong" or "bad". A childs' feelings are the truth of how they feel. Bella started Kindergarden/ first grade in the neighboring village of San Fransisco [San Pauncho] last week when we returned from Los Angeles.
As i watched and listened to both Bella and her mom talk about her experience in this little Mexican Montessori School I was amazed at how honest and open Bella was.You see her school is very small 8 or 9 other kids in her class and it is about the real necessities for education because that's what they have to work with. On her first day we stood outside her class room and watched a wild turkey walk past the little building. I grew up in the woods of Florida, before it was all torn down and built on and spent hours watching wild turkeys so this was a sign for me that we were back in a place where life was not under the totalitarian control of the present culture. In fact somebody here will eat that bird like we used to do.
Bella was loving it. Everything was new and scary and bigger than life. Then she looked at me and asked if she would be ok here in this jungle school. "Oh Bell Bell you'll be great" I said " It will take a little time to get used to everything and make new friends and you will". So she went to school for the first day.
Bella speaks a little Spanish , not much and her school was total immersion, all Spanish, although a couple of the teachers speak perfect English. The first day went ok. The second day was tough. After school Bella cried and said she didn't understand anything that was going on and none of the kids played with her, she was all alone all day.Mee and I were so bummed. What were we doing? Bella is a brilliant little girl in every way and she was so sad.We talked and said to try for this one week and we'd see how it goes. Bella looked at us and said "ok, I'll try my best". My old teacher Miguel Ruiz would have been inspired by her willingness, honesty and courage.She's never read "The Four Agreements" and she is them.
While she was at school the next day I was looking at houses on line in Tennessee and Malibu expecting to need to move back to the U.S. sooner than later. The next day was ok. Then we had a meeting with the Director of the school and said that Bella was feeling left out and lonely and could they help.Of course they said they would do what they could but this was Mexico and Spanish is their language. Boy did I get it in so many ways. I flashed on the millions of non-English speaking kids that come to the U.S. and have to figure it out on their own because in the U.S. English is the official language.
So I did what I do and asked some questions about how, if the school was interested, we might support the non-Spanish speaking kids so they can feel a part of and learn with more ease and less stress.It became about the ones the school is there for, the children. Before two more days had passed Bella had been asked to sit in a circle with her class mates and tell them how she felt, through an interpreter. She's just Six years old and she told them she was afraid and lonely and felt left out. She was honest and sincere and it wasn't anybodies fault, it was what it was. By the time they were done Bella had another bilingual student that would sit with her and help her understand the teaching and two other little girls asked her to join their club.I don't know if I could have done that with such sweet integrity. There was no blame and no good or bad. There was just the truth and the truth brought the best out in everyone involved.
Because of Bella's courage the school saw that the non Spanish speaking kids would benefit from more support.The kids all heard how it feels to be new and different and they brought her into their lives as one of their own, and she is, really, another kid in this gigantic world.Mee and I were totally humbled by the love and courage of our baby and I got to step up and help with bringing another bilingual teacher into the Eschula del Mundo School of San Pauncho, Nayarit, Mexico.
There was never anybody wrong or bad, there was never any blame or even a victim. What there was, was a group of people seeing the truth that a school is a place for Children to learn how to read, write, communicate, share, learn and love. There was no Political agenda or adult driven opinions and craziness. In this little jungle school, in one of the poorest states in Mexico, a group of humans made the world a better place by not losing sight of the importance of simply taking care of our babies.
I came away so proud of my wife and her getting in there with Bella to see how she really was doing and also with the beautiful staff at the school for doing what all teachers get into the profession for, they made the children the priority.
I also had flashes of all my daughters and all I've witnessed in their lives and how brave and honest they all have tried to be , even when I couldn't hear that kind of honesty.I can hear it today and I can feel it and I thank the creator for showing so much Love and light through the eyes of the children.
Tomorrow's a new day and there will be more stuff that has to be delt with and for my family that will be whatever it is and we will do it together.
Peace Be With You, Lee

HENRY

This is Henry. He's also a '56. We share the same arrival year, 1956. Where were you in 56'???? That sounds funny, like it was the Civil War or something. My relationship with time has been very weird. Some days, I feel like " Ok, we're not 25 anymore, " and sometimes "I'm having this experience of time, and I'm not that".

The reality check is most interesting when looking at women. I am a heterosexual Male of the species, for sure, complete. Looking at women is where time gets way lost from the moment. You see with time and life I have come to Love and respect the Divine Feminine and that's not really the most sincere way to say it. The truth is, I see the Sacred Mother in the eyes of women from my 2 year old Granddaughter to my 25 year old Daughter. I see the eyes of the Mother in my Wife and our 2 and five year old little angel characters that are the Mother at her most amazing and vocal. I also love the perfection of form and the presence of HEART when a woman gives you a hug. My Mother has loved me as unconditionally and Divinely as is possible considering she had to deal with me.The Divine Mother is a timeless presence that fills all the spaces between the spaces. She is not really a she at all but rather a force. The presence of life, movement, change, emotion all eminate from her presence. There is no time on her clock, only now. And so time moves on, and on and on and the Divine feminine is with us always allowing us the time of our lives.

Time has spun and spun and the web gets more etheric and mysterious. There is the grace of the Mother on one side and on the other, there's Henry. I bought Henry one day while driving from Malibu to Topanga Canyon to look at a Sweat lodge site. I was working with a Treatment Center in Malibu and wanted to bring the Love and power of the IniPi ceremony to that experience so I needed a Lodge. On the way over we, my buddy Michael Brown and I, passed Henry sitting on the side of the road with sign in his front window. On the way back we stopped.

I was gone in a time warp. My Dad always drove old Apache Carry-alls or Apache pick-ups. The smell, the feel even the sound of the door slamming was a flashback of feeling and memory. That was it, this truck was my chance to sit where my Dad sat and drive my way through time, a 52 year old boy, me, him and all those memories cruising around Malibu. We did our time too. Five years of running up and down the PCH with my boards in the back, surfing breaks that had been my fantasy world in 1972. Tripping time out again.

Now Henry is hanging at The Ranch in Tennessee. When we moved to Mexico I shipped Henry back so I could bounce around the Ranch with my daughters and granddaughters and my Mee looking at the horses and the "baby Vacas" as Lola says. I have spent the last 10 years looking at life, myself and the creation that moves around me and one day I'd love to send Bella off to school in Henry, although her little sister Lola will probably have something to say about that.

Love is really the one constant that shows up, bringing that sweet feeling of life to the experience in front of an old car or a house you once lived in. It's the love and life that were shared there that bring those moments to life, boom. We weren't taught much about love growing up, not the kind of Love that we are held in always just beyond what we're living as Human. The kind of Love that sat for years under the Bodhi Tree or saw the Cross as an expression of the truth that just beyond this world there is the unconditional Love of the infinite. It doesn't seem to matter whether the love of the moment is your best friend across the room or a memory from Cinquenta Años Pasado, 50 years passed, in that moment the Love is, and that's enough to know.

Life is really trying to be good to us, all our choices lined up for years and years and all we have to do is choose. Didn't take but a moment to choose Henry and we'll run til we're done. That's a lot to get out of a 1956 GMC pickup but that's what I do when I sit around and dream.....Onward through the Fog...... The photo of Henry and the cattle on Pinewood Farm were taken my the most wonderful IVA PEELE, Thanks Iva.....Lee

Mystery and Invitation

There must be a great network extending throughout the universe that connects all the aspects of our individual lives with the potential of others with like-minded intentions and motivations. I say this today after having flown back to L.A. from the peace and most interesting world of Sayulita, to meet a man I'd never heard of who has, in his own right, been a great creator of realities. What we seem to share on first meeting is a powerful passion for life and a nature that tends to not give a damn what other people think. That's not the same as not caring about other people, in fact it is almost, in this case, just the opposite.

Living with great passion is a gift and if allowed to rule us, a curse. Passion gives attraction the power to move Mountains and bring Hearts and Nations to their greatest heights and lowest lows. Passion feeds me. Seemingly, out of nowhere, and then of course with great certainty, connections appear that connect people of passion as like attracts like.

That's the Universe, always morphing, unfurling and unravelling, reality, before us.The invitation of life is always extended to join in or take a seat and watch. I don't care much for sitting unless it's deliberate. People of great passion live life with feeling and color, with action and intent. Passion is a respect for life and consequently a respect for others' versions of life. Passion requires personal responsibility and ruthless honesty with oneself or it can become shallow and self indulgent which is then no longer passion but self importance and arrogance. People with little passion seem to not understand those who are driven by passion. Of course not.The same is true in reverse.

Today I'm quite intrigued by passion’s calling and the cast that's being assembled to do the work of the angels here in this world. Dreaming Heaven requires seeing hell for all it's offerings and opportunities to create from what is and what might be if Love were to choreograph the show. And so we shall see....I do love this life..and I am indebted to the opportunities that seem to flow always toward the horizon....Peace be with you, Lee

WHERE TO NOW St. PETER

My last Blog was written sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal house in Bermuda. Time line wise that would be six weeks ago, not a great deal of time and at this moment it seems like a memory from another world.

From Bermuda we traveled back to The Ranch in Tennessee for a couple weeks, then on to New York City and my wife's Italian family reunion. What a trip,I mean not for nuthin', they are all so warm and crazy. I got to meet my Mee's legacy and it was a great gift. I'd only been to New York once before so the experience of the city was new and surreal. I do spend time in Mexico City with all the coming and going to Teotihuacan. Mexico City is a world unto itself with 20 million plus residents. New York on the other hand, felt so livable and eclectic. We were staying in our friends, Iva and Jerry Peele's, apartment in Greenwich Village, the west Village to be exact. I love the feeling of walking out of the apartment building and into the street. There's so much life happening in New York. So many little realities all converging in the same place at the same time.

For years the idea of New York seemed unattractive to me, so I never went. That's how I made a lot of decisions, by how something I'd never experienced, felt or sounded, rather than by having an open mind and finding out for real. I lived a lot of my life based on assumptions and then would go one step further and create stories from those assumptions which I plugged into my perspective as though those stories came from actual experience. I was not doing that this time. This time I was walking down Greenwich Street in the warm August air looking for a diner to have breakfast with my family and friends. There was life going on everywhere. On the street, in the shops, at the park—movement and color, talk and laughter. We found our Diner and they even had Grits. What a trip, eating grits in a little Diner in the west village. You gotta love it.

After breakfast we walked to the Bleeker Street park and let Bella and Lola be kids for a while. I immediately noticed the great mix of color and language that blended into the swirl of children. They all played , laughed, ran and negotiated their sharing together with only an occasional whine, and that never lasted more than a second or two. Kids don't fall into dark holes of argument and anger cus their attention doesn't seem to stay hooked by those temptations. They have better things to do, like enjoy the moment. I actually saw this happening while I looked on and something about the simple truth of putting my attention into what I enjoy came clear to me.That's how I want to live my life.

Sure, as adults we have responsibilities that aren't fun or exciting, but neither are they painful or terrible unless we make them so. I may not want to do something and I don't have to make the experience miserable just to prove to myself I don't like it. So what, big deal, who cares, life moves on. It's us humans that decide to stay stuck on the things we don't like or we don't agree with. That's not life doing anything to us that's us doing it to us.

We spent five days in the great city of New York, saw THE LITTLE MERMAID on Broadway, ate, drank, walked and then took the train upstate to Iva and Jerry's farm, Herondale, in Ancramdale, N.Y.[ herondalefarm.com] Man, it's really beautiful in the Hudson River Valley in August. After a couple nights on the farm we headed back to the city and our flight home to Mexico.

Tennessee, Bermuda, New York City, Herondale Farm, Mexico City, Teotihuacan, Sayulita......exhale.........

As I feel my way back through the great summer journey, I realize it may take a day or two for all of me to regroup here on the west coast of Mexico in our little Village of Sayulita. All the energy and happenings in the U.S. are a great temptation to go back and do more, and right now we're considering lots of options that may just take us back North to GringoLandia. What I know is that the longer I stay here living on the wild jungle coast of Mexico the less chance that busy world of American opportunity has of reeling me back in. Either way, it is for real,and all good.

So for all the uncertainty that freedom offers, I look out to sea and hear Sir Elton John in the background...SO, WHERE TO NOW ST. PETER, IF IT'S TRUE I'M IN YOUR HANDS..........Peace Be With You, Lee

Time Travel, Bermuda, The Borg

Looking out the kitchen window the Atlantic stretches as far as my eyes can see. This 300 year old house is beginning to wake up, or I guess I should say we humans are beginning to wake up.Last night we had a great party in honor of this Bermudian homestead. This is our second year to travel to this Island in the Sun and share our adventure in life with all of the perspectives and awareness that we've gained since our awakening began years ago. Bermuda is a great Mountain top perched in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is 24 miles long with some sixty thousand residents. There is more coral reef surrounding this mountain top than there is dry land. At last nights dinner we were graced with the company of several native sons and daughters of Bermuda.When you sit with the locals the conversations seem to always come around to stories of the family legacies. Of great Grand Father and Grand Mother who, in formal attire, rode their pedal bikes several miles to attend Island dances then at the end of the evening rode home. The family connection is so strong that I'm told by those who are sensitive to such things that dying on Bermuda does not necessarily mean leaving the Island. I mean, this sure looks like a neighborhood in Heaven to me, so why leave? That might explain the doors in this old home opening and closing of their own volition. A lot of the locals don't want anything to do with the notion of ghosts and spirits so they go silent if you bring up the subject. Our crew attending the dinner party last night had no such resistance. In fact our party was held to honor all those that have called this Ardsheal House home over the last 300 years.



Whether you believe in ghosts or spirits or not is really not important. What I find very interesting is how the ones that were here before us live on through the legacies they leave behind, passing them down to us. Throughout my experience in unravelling, the unravelling that is so important to those who would truly recover from from their inheritance of Drama, suffering, addictions etc....,that until we've taken our self apart, questioning all those beliefs , stories and inclinations that we accepted in the blind faith of childhood and the irresponsibility of half awake adulthood, until we've done that work for the sake of our truth in this moment, we are in a most interesting way all living ghosts of our inheritance of legacy. Our legacy is what those that came before left behind, generation to generation, from one point of view that legacy is a living ghost that we walk into and carry with us or wake up to and recreate. So maybe you do , maybe you don't, believe in ghosts....that's no big deal either way but what could be a big deal is if you are living your inherited legacy asleep[ a living, breathing, apparition] or have you taken the time and interest to realize that your life is the opportunity to grow and evolve to the great potential that life and creation blessed you with at the moment of your conception.


In my childhood questioning my parents was taken as an insult and I quickly figured out, not smart. So instead I took in their point of view and beliefs and turned my questions and arguments inward. That set up was then carried on to church , school, college etc..Rather than learning a healthy productive way of looking at and questioning authority I became a bit of a home grown terrorist. When all the stuff that I thought was bullshit would get to be too much rather than strike out toward authority I would strike out on myself. Eventually I learned but that took a lot years and a boat load of brain cells as well as one marriage and the suffering and heart break of my little girls. Of course I am completely responsible for how I navigated my life during those times and I'm also responsible for making my way here to this moment sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal pecking away at this laptop.

So what's the point? We all inherit a legacy. Big picture, it's the legacy of being human , on a more personal level we inherit the specific legacy of our family, culture, hometown etc....Legacies are passed on through time.Time seems to be always moving on and it's our , human, choice to live in step with times' opportunities to evolve toward true freedom and awareness or to carry the past around [our legacy] demanding that the present be what we brought with us as though life has nothing new to offer. To tell you the truth it's not the old dead ghosts that scare me in this world but the living breathing projections of the past that are carried on in the insanity of Inherited fundamentalism and life squandering rationales [ which are the furthest thing from rational] of fear along with traditions of small minded, bizarrely distorted, superstitious,living hosts. At times we humans appear to have more in common with the Borgs on Star Trek than we do the children of God. I'm all for time travel and the cool thing is I'm doing it all the time and don't need a machine at all. The only requirement is that I show up and participate with my free will admission ticket. So to all that's come before thank you for offering me so much to learn from your having been here and to all that lies ahead I'm coming and to right now that beautiful warm Atlantic water is calling me home. I love you Life...Peace, Lee