Whose Reality is this?

Today is Thursday,the 24th of April, 2008. In the last week I've moved from the Palm trees and surf of Sayulita to the magic and Power of Teotihuacan and on to Los Angeles where I was a guest on an upcoming talk show, The Steve Spitz Show, which airs in May on the ION Channel and back again to Sayulita.

There is only one of me and that one of me has grown and shifted and morphed from son to father, from fool to teacher, in and out and up and down. I have lived with fear and doubt as my guide and I have lived with knowing nothing as my saviour. 

There was a time when I said that my life's journey really began when I was introduced to Recovery as a new way of life. Looking back today that's not true. My introduction to the world of recovery was a powerful point of transition and my life had been unfolding for 40 years prior to that time. Those 40 years were my living the legacy of all that I inherited being born into this world of humanity and all that comes with it.That inheritance was what it was and that's all there is to it.

My mind has been quick to claim with great importance that we, me and my mind or me and the voices in my head that claim to be me but are really only the voices in my head, that we had found "it", the truth, reality and so we could now sit back and celebrate our great accomplishment. Of course the world around me whether it was recovery or religion or spiritual teachers all offered to know what reality was and if only I would come along with them I too could find "the truth" of reality. 

In this last week I've moved through several "realities" and at the same time I've not gone anywhere outside of myself. Outside of myself is all that the world has created and then somewhere along the way that creation was deemed reality by those who believed that reality could be found in the world, outside of their self. To give credit to the world as "reality" opens the door for that reality to be where we invest our faith and where we look for measure of how we are doing compared to others that share our new found worldly reality. 

The whole time this was going on in my life I was never really comfortable with the reality of the world as it would be used by me and others to define me. The shoe never quite fit. So whose reality is this anyway? What am I really living here, being Mr.Lee McCormick? 

I am just me and I am in here. I experience my feelings and I'm not them. I experience my thoughts and I'm not them. I experience this physical body and I'm not my body. I create realities as quick as I see and feel and hear and react to all that's going on in and around me and those realities change with each new experience or belief. 

How could I not end up feeling crazy when my reality is flying by like a F-16 on acid? Reality is supposed to be steady and reliable not always changing at least that's what I believed. That's how I used to see things. That's what was the truth of Lee's adventure in the world. To not see that life is changing with each day, each thought, each breath, is to live asleep to life. Once I came to realize that the only constant in life is change I eventually let go of demanding against the experience of life and set myself free to change with life. 

At this moment reality is the feeling that's always with me, in here, down deep. That feeling is a presence that when I place my attention with it is love, really, and that presence is gratitude and that presence is constant no matter how long I might keep my attention away from that presence it is still always there. 

So that's what I call reality today and that's my reality, it's in me not out there in the world and it is beyond measure or definition and that reality allows me to be whatever I might choose and never has an opinion or judgment of my choices. These days I take my reality on tour of the world and most of the time we are very entertained by what we see. It is what it is and that's that. 

Peace be with You, Lee