The Long and Winding Road

The long and Winding road…….

Clouds hang beneath me. I still see them through the eyes that as a 10 year old wondered why couldn’t we walk through the clouds. Clouds are more real than thoughts. Thoughts can’t be seen. You cannot measure the height of a thought. You can’t block out the sunlight with a thought. Thoughts don’t bring rain and cannot be carried by the wind. These days there are spaces between my thoughts, spaces that are filled with stillness and silence. Between the clouds there are spaces. Spaces filled with light and wind, spaces that frame the world of the clouds as the thoughts once framed the world of my mind.

Living my long and winding road has allowed me a great and varied relationship with the thoughts that fill the worlds of my mind like the clouds fill the sky around me. If my thoughts were all so important and real then where did they all go. How can a thought create such response, reaction, belief and passion and then be gone with the next arriving thought.
My thoughts come and go and like some ghost in the night they sometimes haunt me till I find a way to banish them by the light of day. I have had thoughts, memories, haunt me and when I tried to hide they seemed to wait just beyond my awareness till I was not looking only to come flying back into my minds eye demanding attention and belief.” Here we are asshole, what, did you really believe we would leave you alone? Why we belong to you, you created us. There is nowhere else for us to go. You brought us into being, gave us a home and then dropped us into the well of your life’s story where we wait for the next opportunity to rise from the ashes of times gone by. All of us thoughts are related like a clan of Italian mobsters we have loyalty and our own code of ethics and we never give up our story till the don tells us to go.”
How do you tell a thought to go? Whats it take to get an audience with the don of your own mind?
How do you know which thoughts are real or true or necessary? Where do all these thoughts come from? Really…they seem to be eternal and never ending. So there must be a source, a source beyond the brain. How did it come to pass that a Human being could be controlled by the unreality of a thought? Something less tangible than a cloud has come to rule the worlds of men. We must be insane.
Our thinking is born of some Shrouded aspect of our being and we just volunteer to be in service to that thinking.
I don’t believe my thoughts much these days. There are long lines of unemployed thoughts that once had full time jobs keeping track of my beliefs, beliefs that I have since let go to the river of days. Stack a few thoughts together and you’ll come up with a framework for belief. Beliefs are not true or real either, that’s why they are called beliefs not truths.

….That leads me to your door, will never disappear. I’ve seen that road before…..

It may have been turning 50 a couple years back, can’t say for sure but I have lost interest in my thoughts having lots of supporting cast from friends and family. That was not always the case. There is a real freedom in not having thoughts as my guide in this world. Thoughts as a supporting cast is cool and close enough. There are other voices these days. Voices that come as feelings or senses, they then morph into thought form but only in so far as is necessary.

Looking out the window of this flight back home to Nashville I still believe there must be a way to walk on the clouds. Maybe if I keep dreaming into it I’ll find a way. Now that’s a thought I’ll check back in on. If I find a way I’ll let you know, maybe…

…It always leads me here. Lead me to your door…The Wild and windy night…that the rain washed away…..

Vaya con Dios….