COMING HOME TO MEE

I never sleep well on the nights that I have early flights to somewhere. I’ll lie in bed sleeping and waking up, thinking and dreaming. I always want to reach over and hold onto my wife, my best friend, the one I am closer to than I can understand. I’ve had lots of girlfriends and was married once before but at that time in my life I was so busy trying to be me, trying to be good enough or cool enough or some other idea of mine that was more important at the time than being close to someone else, there was no real sense of leaving when I travelled. Maybe the truth is it’s not a sense of leaving I feel now but a deep feeling of belonging, a feeling that’s with me whether we are together or apart. You see my wife, my Mee, that’s her name Mee and it sure fits her and us, she is more independent even than I am, at least in our connection she is. That’s a twist of fate in my life, for me to be the one that likes to hang onto a hug a little longer, the one that feels a twinge of sad whenever I know I am about to fly off into the world again. It’s a sweet, sad feeling to miss her before I leave, to miss the feeling of being home with her and our little girls while I’m getting up and trying to be quiet as I get ready to ease out the door on another journey. Being connected to each other has changed a lot about how I value my life and my relationship to this world we live in. I feel safe close to her, I feel like together we are a whole Universe and all is well as long as we have us. I’ve never felt like that before, never had that deep a light shining, calling me home again. I still come and go, like I have my whole life, of course I came by my travelling ways naturally being born into a family that lived on the Northeast coast of Florida and had a Ranch in Southern Wyoming where I spent all my summers. Seems like I’ve always been going somewhere else and I’ve always loved the going and the coming back home again. These days though I’m too aware that what we have in this world is all a passing thing, it comes and goes no matter how much we Love or Hate where we are, it’s all like a wisp of wood smoke, strong enough to burn your eyes and make you cough but just as quick it’s gone forever like it was never there in the first place. You can hold onto the memory but memories aren’t real, our breath and touch is real and it’s the knowing that the breath and touch are all passing with time too that leaves me wanting to hold on. I guess I am afraid I might leave one day and never make it back to feel that feeling again, to hug that extra second or stop to take that last breath in and watch our little ones getting ready for school not aware that I’m standing there in the door. Life on Earth sure has it’s messes and problems I see all that today as a result of how we have made so many things more important than how it really feels to be close to each other and share life from the Heart. Realizing what really matters on the inside is a great gift, maybe it’s a gift of the years that you have to live long enough and worship enough phony ideas that you come full circle to your own true Heart again. What I know is my life has a home today and my Heart has a connection to Loving and sharing that I wouldn’t trade all the deals of bright lights and big money for, not ever. I’m really grateful that I’ve lived long enough to make it to this point and God willing I’ll live this way of being for a long time coming. Another Journey another Dream, another place in time, another ceremony, there will always be a Light in my Heart that brings me home and coming home is always the greatest gift of the Journey.