THE WAY THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE

THE WAY THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE There was a time I had a very definite grip on my identity. Life was well orchestrated and defined. Living was a point-by-point, goal-by-goal, walk through the world. Some things went the “way they were supposed to” and some things didn’t. I had successes and failures, curses and blessings, the back and forth, up and down’s of life. Normal, typical, day-to-day was the chosen way. I had no big questions of what else might exist beyond how I saw life and the world. I was not particularly religious or spiritual nor was I very interested in such things. Not against it, not for it, I really didn’t care. The world was interesting enough to keep me busy and engaged. As the years rolled on the world got smaller, relative of course, and my attention got less interested in the status quo. I was doing what I wanted, living my choices but not actually aware that what I was living was a choice; not really, life just was what it was by no particular responsibility of mine. Then one day my not so aware little bubble began to crack. There is no specific event that I can pick out of my story but I began to feel restless, unsure, frustrated with the “way things are supposed to” be. This made for some more compelling conversations with friends around what we were doing with our lives, could there be more that we are missing out on? Deep inside me an empty space was developing, a longing feeling that I didn’t understand and that feeling pushed on the restless and anxious feelings that kept coming around in my mind. Some friends turned to religion, some to sports, some to making more money, some to sex, some including me to getting high and rebellious toward our “way it’s supposed to be “ lives. I was stuck. Trapped in a personal world of my own making that had become a cage. Not literally of course but energetically and consciously. That business should be the point in life philosophy turned to mud, as there was more masks on the people than a New Orleans carnival and the dynamics became more like predator and prey than working together to do something worthwhile in life. As my personal reality cracked the scene got weirder and weirder and I had no clue what was happening to me as I was now living from reactions rather than choices and judgments and anger were my constant companion. What I used to keep me entertained in my not so supposed to be world became an addiction to drugs, a drug anyway. I was lost in a matrix of my own making with no idea how to get out. Of course when you’re lost in an addiction there is another “supposed to be” way to address that so I chose, an actual real choice, to go to Rehab. At least Rehab felt new as I was made aware for the first time in my life, in a very real way, just how twisted life in this world really is behind the supposed to be’s and masks. I had never known how terrible people could be to each other, how sick and mean and deep the wounds of humanity ran. I heard and witnessed so much of the truth of what was going on behind the masks of our culture and the propped up identities of our beliefs and religions. This really blew the supposed to be world up and opened me up to wonder what the hell are we doing, what is life really about anyway. The official story was far more lies than truth and the way out for me was clearly not the supposed to be recovery story. I was not interested in falling back into someone else’s version of what I might do to now be good enough as a “recovering “ person. No more matrix, no more life by identity and judgment I was determined to question everything and find something that was not a punishment and reward Pavlov’s dog reality. I began reading books, all kinds of books that offered different views on life and living. From Buddhist to Christian, Hindu, Shamanic, Celtic, A Course In Miracles, Life after Death, E.T.’s, whatever looked interesting. This was a great process as I was in a place of not believing anything official and my new passion was for something that actually felt REAL to me. A piece of this and a bit of that I gathered points of view and ideas on Life and Creation that I could hold up to my lens of experience to see if it fit or not. What had started as a train wreck in my life had become a door way to waking up to so much more than “supposed to be” ever had to offer. I was inspired and hungry for life. It was funny to me that the people who had taken the official recovery road had no use for someone who would not tow the party line so my journey was destined to be authentic as I was not welcome to take refuge in that respite. Life was answering my new found prayers for a bigger life with more to live for than being good enough. This was not an easy way to go. I had my share of lonely and scared and I also began to trust my own feelings and Heart, as they were my only constant companions. As life would have it I was introduced to the idea that our lives are an awake dream, a reality held in each individuals mind unique to that person and having the qualities ascribed to by that person. Being a dream we hold the power to bring the energy and life force we choose to our reality, our dream, and we are 100% responsible for what we choose, how we react and how we live in relation to our worlds dream. Dreaming my life became my practice, my dharma. Life responded. There are as many views on life as there are people living life. We all have our shot at it. The bottom line for me is there is no “supposed to be” anything. Life has given each of us a chance to make what we will from what we inherit being born into this world and that’s all any of us have, a chance. How we respond is our individual business, it’s also our individual responsibility. Hell and Heaven are both ours for the creating and we are working towards one or the other most of the time, know it or not. Life is on our side even when we aren’t. Many blessings await those who have the guts to go for it. May your Dreams come true, not like they are supposed too, but as you are willing to dream them.

A CONVERSATION WITH LUCIFER

Dreams come in all kinds of forms and states of mind. Over the years I have participated in various forms of “dreaming”, from sleeping dreams to meditation dreams, to guided imagery dreams. As a part of my personal practices I learned to move into what’s called lucid dreaming. Literally this is realizing, during a sleeping dream that you are dreaming and bringing your focus to the dreaming state where you can move through the landscape with intention just as in an awake state. On one such occasion I was conscious in my sleeping dream when I asked a question of the dream world, Why does Humanity suffer so, why are we so lost in our wars, killing, fear, Why? Instantly I was transported to an open desert landscape, a great endless expanse where the sky was a glowing amber light and the world was like an old painting of Egypt. Some 20 feet in front of me with his back turned stood a huge being, a Human like being maybe 10 feet tall with reddish skin and the form of wings on his back like an angel. He was looking away from me toward the horizon and as I looked past him I saw the Pyramids of Egypt appear in the distance. The being was beat down, he looked haggard and worn out like he had lived lifetimes of burdens and suffering. His skin was ruddy almost sunburned looking. He never turned to look at me but I knew he knew I was there. I asked him, “ this is Egypt isn’t it?” he nodded his head yes. As I spoke the scene moved closer to us. “ It is very old isn’t it?” again he nodded yes. “It’s much older than what we have been told by science isn’t it?” again he nodded yes. “How old is it?” he didn’t reply, “Is it five thousand years old?” he shook his head no, “ No, I knew that, it’s more like 10,000 years old isn’t it?” he nodded yes. Then I knew who he was, maybe I knew all along. “You’re Lucifer aren’t you, the one they call the Devil” he paused turned his head sideways and nodded yes. “ You look terrible”, I said, “Why do you do this why do you carry all this pain and suffering I don’t understand?” he paused and the Pyramids disappeared in the background, I felt a bit of fear but actually I felt more deep awareness that I was there for a reason larger than my understanding and I was not in any danger but to be a witness to something. “Why do you do the things you do? You were the most beautiful of all the angels why do you not stop?” Lucifer turned to face me and he said not just in spoken words but in a powerful energetic telepathic feeling, “ I am bound by God to serve the Humans until they take responsibility for themselves, I carry the weight of your legacy of suffering and fear, I am bound until you take responsibility for yourselves!” In that instant I realized that I /we held the power and responsibility for all the choices and decisions in our lives. That we are the ones who are perpetrating the suffering and pain in our Human reality, that only we can stop it and wake up to our truth and power as Human Beings. That experience was imprinted on my heart and soul. I had no pity for him and yet I had a great compassion for how broken hearted and disempowered we Humans have become by our own lack of awareness and faith in what we are really. This was not “just a dream” it was a revealing of reality and truth. It changed my understanding and knowing of how powerful I am in the choices of my life and in how important it is that we all wake up to what we are doing to ourselves and to each other out of ignorance and fear of the truth of our power and beau

MAYBE ONE DAY- The Story of the clothes.

MAYBE ONE DAY The story of the clothes I have been watching you and you appear to be uncomfortable? Yes, I am uncomfortable, it’s my clothes, I have worn many styles of clothes and these are more comfortable than the others or maybe I should say these are the least uncomfortable. Sometimes these clothes are fine but mostly they are to tight. If your clothes are so uncomfortable then why do you wear them at all? What kind of question is that, everyone must wear clothes, it’s the law, it’s the rule of Life and of our World! But you were not born wearing such clothes, you were born simply as you are underneath the clothes, you were born simply as you, no clothes needed. Yes but we all must grow up, we must take our place in society, we must become members of the society, we must find value in our life and wear the clothes that represent our value! Did you not have value when you were born? A Son of God, a Child of the Light, A Pure and beautiful Human Being? That does not matter, I live in this society I must do what society offers as the right way, the responsible way, the accepted way. That’s all there is too it. But your clothes are not comfortable? So what! Whose clothes are comfortable? No Ones or maybe everyone’s clothes are comfortable except mine I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. Not wearing the clothes of society is not an option. This is where I live , this is my people’s way. Have you ever tried taking all those clothes off and just sitting with yourself as you were at the first, before Society taught you you must be as Society demands in order to be good enough, in order to have value to society? I have thought about doing that once or twice but there is no time for such things. Tell me why do you drink the wine and smoke the herb , why do you eat those pills everyday and live with such anxiety and angst toward the future? That is the way I have learned to live with these clothes I wear, they cut into my flesh, they are too tight, the wine and the herb, the pills of the doctor they are all gifts from Society, gifts that make our clothes feel better, why we are so fortunate to have these things to help us with the discomfort of our clothes! But you could simply take off the clothes and go swim in the river, take a walk through the mountains, dance in the rain, you do not need Wine or pills or herb to do those things they are Creators gifts and they do not require clothes that cut and bind? Creator wants us to be fruitful as members of society, society is why we were created, we are the children of society not the Children of the Light, that is silly we would be nothing with out our beliefs and faith in Society, society gives us our value, our value is in our clothes. What if you had been born in another society, with other clothes, with different languages and beliefs, what would have happened then? That is not possible! But you were not born of the Society, you were born of the Light, of the Body of the Mother, of the Earth! When you were born you knew nothing of society and you were beautiful and happy, sweet and innocent and you had Great Value to Creator! You were not created by society you were created by the Great Creator, the Great Mystery. You have worn the clothes of society for so long you can not remember yourself with out them and you are not the clothes of Society you are the Light wearing the clothes, believing you are what the clothes represent, believing that you are the stories of society that you are not the Light. All you need do is lay these clothes aside and walk into the woods, swim in the river, lay in the sunlight and ask Creator to help you awaken, then you no longer need the clothes or the Wine or the pills or the herb or the roles that you have come to believe you are. None of those things are as great as your light. Your light is the light of Creator. It is time to awaken to find your Hearts beat and your smiles reflection in the wind again. Maybe, maybe one day but right now I must get back to work, I must not lose my place in the great scheme of things, but maybe one day…….