HENRY

This is Henry. He's also a '56. We share the same arrival year, 1956. Where were you in 56'???? That sounds funny, like it was the Civil War or something. My relationship with time has been very weird. Some days, I feel like " Ok, we're not 25 anymore, " and sometimes "I'm having this experience of time, and I'm not that".

The reality check is most interesting when looking at women. I am a heterosexual Male of the species, for sure, complete. Looking at women is where time gets way lost from the moment. You see with time and life I have come to Love and respect the Divine Feminine and that's not really the most sincere way to say it. The truth is, I see the Sacred Mother in the eyes of women from my 2 year old Granddaughter to my 25 year old Daughter. I see the eyes of the Mother in my Wife and our 2 and five year old little angel characters that are the Mother at her most amazing and vocal. I also love the perfection of form and the presence of HEART when a woman gives you a hug. My Mother has loved me as unconditionally and Divinely as is possible considering she had to deal with me.The Divine Mother is a timeless presence that fills all the spaces between the spaces. She is not really a she at all but rather a force. The presence of life, movement, change, emotion all eminate from her presence. There is no time on her clock, only now. And so time moves on, and on and on and the Divine feminine is with us always allowing us the time of our lives.

Time has spun and spun and the web gets more etheric and mysterious. There is the grace of the Mother on one side and on the other, there's Henry. I bought Henry one day while driving from Malibu to Topanga Canyon to look at a Sweat lodge site. I was working with a Treatment Center in Malibu and wanted to bring the Love and power of the IniPi ceremony to that experience so I needed a Lodge. On the way over we, my buddy Michael Brown and I, passed Henry sitting on the side of the road with sign in his front window. On the way back we stopped.

I was gone in a time warp. My Dad always drove old Apache Carry-alls or Apache pick-ups. The smell, the feel even the sound of the door slamming was a flashback of feeling and memory. That was it, this truck was my chance to sit where my Dad sat and drive my way through time, a 52 year old boy, me, him and all those memories cruising around Malibu. We did our time too. Five years of running up and down the PCH with my boards in the back, surfing breaks that had been my fantasy world in 1972. Tripping time out again.

Now Henry is hanging at The Ranch in Tennessee. When we moved to Mexico I shipped Henry back so I could bounce around the Ranch with my daughters and granddaughters and my Mee looking at the horses and the "baby Vacas" as Lola says. I have spent the last 10 years looking at life, myself and the creation that moves around me and one day I'd love to send Bella off to school in Henry, although her little sister Lola will probably have something to say about that.

Love is really the one constant that shows up, bringing that sweet feeling of life to the experience in front of an old car or a house you once lived in. It's the love and life that were shared there that bring those moments to life, boom. We weren't taught much about love growing up, not the kind of Love that we are held in always just beyond what we're living as Human. The kind of Love that sat for years under the Bodhi Tree or saw the Cross as an expression of the truth that just beyond this world there is the unconditional Love of the infinite. It doesn't seem to matter whether the love of the moment is your best friend across the room or a memory from Cinquenta Años Pasado, 50 years passed, in that moment the Love is, and that's enough to know.

Life is really trying to be good to us, all our choices lined up for years and years and all we have to do is choose. Didn't take but a moment to choose Henry and we'll run til we're done. That's a lot to get out of a 1956 GMC pickup but that's what I do when I sit around and dream.....Onward through the Fog...... The photo of Henry and the cattle on Pinewood Farm were taken my the most wonderful IVA PEELE, Thanks Iva.....Lee

Mystery and Invitation

There must be a great network extending throughout the universe that connects all the aspects of our individual lives with the potential of others with like-minded intentions and motivations. I say this today after having flown back to L.A. from the peace and most interesting world of Sayulita, to meet a man I'd never heard of who has, in his own right, been a great creator of realities. What we seem to share on first meeting is a powerful passion for life and a nature that tends to not give a damn what other people think. That's not the same as not caring about other people, in fact it is almost, in this case, just the opposite.

Living with great passion is a gift and if allowed to rule us, a curse. Passion gives attraction the power to move Mountains and bring Hearts and Nations to their greatest heights and lowest lows. Passion feeds me. Seemingly, out of nowhere, and then of course with great certainty, connections appear that connect people of passion as like attracts like.

That's the Universe, always morphing, unfurling and unravelling, reality, before us.The invitation of life is always extended to join in or take a seat and watch. I don't care much for sitting unless it's deliberate. People of great passion live life with feeling and color, with action and intent. Passion is a respect for life and consequently a respect for others' versions of life. Passion requires personal responsibility and ruthless honesty with oneself or it can become shallow and self indulgent which is then no longer passion but self importance and arrogance. People with little passion seem to not understand those who are driven by passion. Of course not.The same is true in reverse.

Today I'm quite intrigued by passion’s calling and the cast that's being assembled to do the work of the angels here in this world. Dreaming Heaven requires seeing hell for all it's offerings and opportunities to create from what is and what might be if Love were to choreograph the show. And so we shall see....I do love this life..and I am indebted to the opportunities that seem to flow always toward the horizon....Peace be with you, Lee

WHERE TO NOW St. PETER

My last Blog was written sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal house in Bermuda. Time line wise that would be six weeks ago, not a great deal of time and at this moment it seems like a memory from another world.

From Bermuda we traveled back to The Ranch in Tennessee for a couple weeks, then on to New York City and my wife's Italian family reunion. What a trip,I mean not for nuthin', they are all so warm and crazy. I got to meet my Mee's legacy and it was a great gift. I'd only been to New York once before so the experience of the city was new and surreal. I do spend time in Mexico City with all the coming and going to Teotihuacan. Mexico City is a world unto itself with 20 million plus residents. New York on the other hand, felt so livable and eclectic. We were staying in our friends, Iva and Jerry Peele's, apartment in Greenwich Village, the west Village to be exact. I love the feeling of walking out of the apartment building and into the street. There's so much life happening in New York. So many little realities all converging in the same place at the same time.

For years the idea of New York seemed unattractive to me, so I never went. That's how I made a lot of decisions, by how something I'd never experienced, felt or sounded, rather than by having an open mind and finding out for real. I lived a lot of my life based on assumptions and then would go one step further and create stories from those assumptions which I plugged into my perspective as though those stories came from actual experience. I was not doing that this time. This time I was walking down Greenwich Street in the warm August air looking for a diner to have breakfast with my family and friends. There was life going on everywhere. On the street, in the shops, at the park—movement and color, talk and laughter. We found our Diner and they even had Grits. What a trip, eating grits in a little Diner in the west village. You gotta love it.

After breakfast we walked to the Bleeker Street park and let Bella and Lola be kids for a while. I immediately noticed the great mix of color and language that blended into the swirl of children. They all played , laughed, ran and negotiated their sharing together with only an occasional whine, and that never lasted more than a second or two. Kids don't fall into dark holes of argument and anger cus their attention doesn't seem to stay hooked by those temptations. They have better things to do, like enjoy the moment. I actually saw this happening while I looked on and something about the simple truth of putting my attention into what I enjoy came clear to me.That's how I want to live my life.

Sure, as adults we have responsibilities that aren't fun or exciting, but neither are they painful or terrible unless we make them so. I may not want to do something and I don't have to make the experience miserable just to prove to myself I don't like it. So what, big deal, who cares, life moves on. It's us humans that decide to stay stuck on the things we don't like or we don't agree with. That's not life doing anything to us that's us doing it to us.

We spent five days in the great city of New York, saw THE LITTLE MERMAID on Broadway, ate, drank, walked and then took the train upstate to Iva and Jerry's farm, Herondale, in Ancramdale, N.Y.[ herondalefarm.com] Man, it's really beautiful in the Hudson River Valley in August. After a couple nights on the farm we headed back to the city and our flight home to Mexico.

Tennessee, Bermuda, New York City, Herondale Farm, Mexico City, Teotihuacan, Sayulita......exhale.........

As I feel my way back through the great summer journey, I realize it may take a day or two for all of me to regroup here on the west coast of Mexico in our little Village of Sayulita. All the energy and happenings in the U.S. are a great temptation to go back and do more, and right now we're considering lots of options that may just take us back North to GringoLandia. What I know is that the longer I stay here living on the wild jungle coast of Mexico the less chance that busy world of American opportunity has of reeling me back in. Either way, it is for real,and all good.

So for all the uncertainty that freedom offers, I look out to sea and hear Sir Elton John in the background...SO, WHERE TO NOW ST. PETER, IF IT'S TRUE I'M IN YOUR HANDS..........Peace Be With You, Lee

Time Travel, Bermuda, The Borg

Looking out the kitchen window the Atlantic stretches as far as my eyes can see. This 300 year old house is beginning to wake up, or I guess I should say we humans are beginning to wake up.Last night we had a great party in honor of this Bermudian homestead. This is our second year to travel to this Island in the Sun and share our adventure in life with all of the perspectives and awareness that we've gained since our awakening began years ago. Bermuda is a great Mountain top perched in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. She is 24 miles long with some sixty thousand residents. There is more coral reef surrounding this mountain top than there is dry land. At last nights dinner we were graced with the company of several native sons and daughters of Bermuda.When you sit with the locals the conversations seem to always come around to stories of the family legacies. Of great Grand Father and Grand Mother who, in formal attire, rode their pedal bikes several miles to attend Island dances then at the end of the evening rode home. The family connection is so strong that I'm told by those who are sensitive to such things that dying on Bermuda does not necessarily mean leaving the Island. I mean, this sure looks like a neighborhood in Heaven to me, so why leave? That might explain the doors in this old home opening and closing of their own volition. A lot of the locals don't want anything to do with the notion of ghosts and spirits so they go silent if you bring up the subject. Our crew attending the dinner party last night had no such resistance. In fact our party was held to honor all those that have called this Ardsheal House home over the last 300 years.



Whether you believe in ghosts or spirits or not is really not important. What I find very interesting is how the ones that were here before us live on through the legacies they leave behind, passing them down to us. Throughout my experience in unravelling, the unravelling that is so important to those who would truly recover from from their inheritance of Drama, suffering, addictions etc....,that until we've taken our self apart, questioning all those beliefs , stories and inclinations that we accepted in the blind faith of childhood and the irresponsibility of half awake adulthood, until we've done that work for the sake of our truth in this moment, we are in a most interesting way all living ghosts of our inheritance of legacy. Our legacy is what those that came before left behind, generation to generation, from one point of view that legacy is a living ghost that we walk into and carry with us or wake up to and recreate. So maybe you do , maybe you don't, believe in ghosts....that's no big deal either way but what could be a big deal is if you are living your inherited legacy asleep[ a living, breathing, apparition] or have you taken the time and interest to realize that your life is the opportunity to grow and evolve to the great potential that life and creation blessed you with at the moment of your conception.


In my childhood questioning my parents was taken as an insult and I quickly figured out, not smart. So instead I took in their point of view and beliefs and turned my questions and arguments inward. That set up was then carried on to church , school, college etc..Rather than learning a healthy productive way of looking at and questioning authority I became a bit of a home grown terrorist. When all the stuff that I thought was bullshit would get to be too much rather than strike out toward authority I would strike out on myself. Eventually I learned but that took a lot years and a boat load of brain cells as well as one marriage and the suffering and heart break of my little girls. Of course I am completely responsible for how I navigated my life during those times and I'm also responsible for making my way here to this moment sitting in the kitchen of Ardsheal pecking away at this laptop.

So what's the point? We all inherit a legacy. Big picture, it's the legacy of being human , on a more personal level we inherit the specific legacy of our family, culture, hometown etc....Legacies are passed on through time.Time seems to be always moving on and it's our , human, choice to live in step with times' opportunities to evolve toward true freedom and awareness or to carry the past around [our legacy] demanding that the present be what we brought with us as though life has nothing new to offer. To tell you the truth it's not the old dead ghosts that scare me in this world but the living breathing projections of the past that are carried on in the insanity of Inherited fundamentalism and life squandering rationales [ which are the furthest thing from rational] of fear along with traditions of small minded, bizarrely distorted, superstitious,living hosts. At times we humans appear to have more in common with the Borgs on Star Trek than we do the children of God. I'm all for time travel and the cool thing is I'm doing it all the time and don't need a machine at all. The only requirement is that I show up and participate with my free will admission ticket. So to all that's come before thank you for offering me so much to learn from your having been here and to all that lies ahead I'm coming and to right now that beautiful warm Atlantic water is calling me home. I love you Life...Peace, Lee

Mexico Retrograde

This was one of those days where I went from place to place with specific things to get done and got nowhere. Ok, the “got nowhere” ain't true. Truth is everywhere I went had other plans and I did something other than what I thought I was doing there. If I wanted to be my demanding, tryannical self, (I started to say American self but changed it because that's not specifically American is it), I had great reasons and excuses to be angry and frustrated and all that stuff. Instead, the way everything was so consistently not on my wave length, got to be funny.

You hear all the time about, " Well, Mercury is in retrograde", or "Wait till Mercury comes out of retrograde". To tell you the absolute truth I have no idea if there really is a Mercury or, if there is, if the planet does a retrograde thing or not. It's like someone somewhere made up this great mythology about this planet called Mercury. All that I can say is I've seen a light in the sky that I'm told is the planet Mercury, don't know for sure, but ok cool, and when it does go into retrograde, communication and other various things get difficult. That's quite a story and it can be an interesting explanation for why we have problems with certain things at certain times.

I'm not for or against Mercury or retrograde, I just find what we do with the story to be interesting and at this moment, very amusing. See when you’re an American living in Mexico the whole planet would appear, most of the time, to be in some kind of retro-something. Mexico is so obviously made up of millions of individual human beings, being whatever they have decided to be, in each little moment with very little interest at all in what your expectations might be. If you can't find the humor, then you'd better go home to Gringolandia.

In Mexico survival is sometimes not even a generation away, so as my Israeli friend would say "What da fuck, you expect what? Something different than what is? Don't be stupid." This is really funny to me because I've lived most of my life being really ridiculous when I would have days like this, and the truth is there are no days like this, there are just days. Sometimes things happen the way we expect, sometimes they don't, so what, big deal, who cares?

Today set up like a great Dino de Laurentis film with, first of all, the main Customs Department of the Mexico City Postal service where I'm trying to get some stuff I shipped from Peru in Febuary, released from Customs jail. In Mexico if you get something in the mail that's valuable then the Government will do its best to collect a duty based on what they say your items are worth, regardless of receipts or not. Today one of the interior offices was being painted so they could not process any work. What? That's what I said. This is like a twenty five thousand square foot building—one office??? Ok, makes as much sense as corn ethanol.

So since we were so close, we moved on to the Mexico City airport so I could change a plane ticket to a flight that was listed online, except that, at the airport the person behind the desk said that the flight listed online didn't exist. I wonder if they are selling tickets online—makes more sense than almost all of the last 8 years of the Bush administration. At least this Mexican airline did have some real flights, I know that , I'd just flown one.

Next we drove the hour back to Teotihuacan to see a house owned by a wonderful family that had asked me to look at it for a potential business venture. When we arrived at their Ranch to go see the house the Caporal, that's a forman, told us that the lady that lived in the house could not be found to give permission for him to show it to us. That would have made perfect sense except the lady that lived in that house had died a year ago and I don't believe she still cared. The Capo was very serious and straight faced and I couldn't help but laugh, but intending no disrespect I said we'd come back later. By this time we were hungry and so we came home to the Dreaming House to a killer meal of Posole and tortillas.

Welcome to the dream of the humans where, if your life is too predictable, then I can guarantee you, you have almost choked it to death. Life comes formless and then we set the process of form and shape and quality and color, all in motion with our human reality spinning hearts and minds. The only thing real about living in this world is that part of us that we will never be able to define and our amazing experience of being human. So, "What da fuck? You expect something different from what is? Don't be stupid." And, give retrograde a break, maybe it's just life happening here. Peace and Love, Lee

Six Years Ago Today

This is the anniversary day of my marriage to Mee Tracy. That was six years ago. We were married in a grove of trees behind the Villas Arqueologicas Hotel in Teotihuacan, Mexico. Looking back, that day was like a snapshot of things to come. You see we didn't just go get married, we were 7 months pregnant and got married in the midst of a life changing Power Journey with 16 other people, some of whom came to be with us on the wedding day, and some who were just there for the journey and fell into the wedding party by chance. 

Everything about our wedding ceremony was one-of-a-kind. My wife decided not to have bridesmaids, rather she asked four of her best friends who are all gay men to be her attendants. I had been married once before in a beautiful ceremony at a Catholic church in Nashville with 300 people in attendance. That was another life time though and this was nothing like that.

Mee, my bride, had never been down the aisle so she was really anxious and had all four men (who were dressed to kill in their best sarongs) running in circles trying to keep her from bolting to the Mexico City airport, while doing her hair and coordinating the event with the staff of the hotel, most of which spoke no English, and with the attendants who spoke no Spanish. It all looked like a “Through The Looking Glass” game of charades being played out in the shadow of the magical landscape of Teotihuacan, with the Avenue Of The Dead and the Temple To The Sun and Moon as our witnesses. 

At one point Durrell, the lead coordinator, needed matches to light the candles on our alter so he ran into the hotel office and tried to sign language the shape of a candle and the flame flickering on top and kept saying, “For the groom. For the man,” referring to me who all the hotel staff knew from my previous trips to Teotihuacan. The nice lady in the office finally said, "Si, uno momento," and she went to the store next door and came back with ... condoms!

Durrell freaked out because Mee was 7 months pregnant and we all lost it laughing so hard til this big rain cloud blew in, the God Tlaloc of course, arriving in style. With the first rain drops the whole staff of the hotel showed up with umbrellas and stood over the flowers and alter keeping everything dry til the shower stopped 20 minutes later. 

Our whole day continued as a crazy, funny, sweet and magical blessing for us all, and especially for Mee and me. So here we are 6 years later and neither of us are hardly recognizable compared to who we thought we were at that time. We've had two daughters that are all there is to love. We've grown, screamed, stretched, loved and continued to laugh and allow life to guide us toward tomorrow. (Oh yeah and we've set up 7 different homes in two different states and one foreign country.) I not only fell in love with my wife over the last 6 years but I have fallen in love with life, all of it, the color, texture, challenge, magic and tragedy. 

Six years ago today I began a great adventure with a great woman and I have no more idea what’s coming next than the man in the moon. That's the freedom of living in love, real love. There's always another chapter waiting to be created for those who allow this amazing life to be all that it might be, free from our fear-filled demands and our know-it-all agendas. 

Where were you six years ago? Isn't it amazing all that moves through us as we live our little lives one day at a time? If I could I'd invite the world to stop, all together at 7p.m. today, and look up at the sky and say, “Thank you life, I love you,” and for just a moment we could all put our attention on one thing in our life that we have unconditional love for. I really believe that would be something we humans are worthy of. 

I love my Mee and I love my little girls, all 4 of them, and to Who or Whatever is dreaming this dream, I love you too. Onward there is life to be lived here....Peace, Lee

L.A. Afternoon- Warning! this is a rant

It's Wednesday afternoon in beautiful Los Angeles, California. I had an interesting reconnection today with some old and new friends. You see a few months ago I was really taken back by the way the American Veterans are being treated by the Government that they serve. It's all too clear that D.C. has become the worst of the worst. There is no integrity in any country that lies, cheats and steals from those who have put their lives and the well-being of their families on the line in service to that country — and, WE, America are doing just that.

Our Vets have become nothing more than a commodity to be used by the powers that rule Washington, and then are thrown out and told to “hurry up and wait” if they need support after having gone into Hell for whatever Lies the Politicos happen to feed WE the people. To tell you the truth, I can't understand why anyone would join the Military of the USA with all that's been going on since Vietnam. We must still believe that all the inspiring rhetoric we're taught in school still exists somewhere in Kansas...

What I spent the day working on was creating a network among existing Mental Health treatment programs in the U.S. to support, at no charge, our returning Veterans. They have earned that help and, in my opinion, shouldn't ever have pay taxes again as well, but the machine in D.C. would never go for that. It's interesting that the V.A. has no money to do it's job and the military cannot account for 12 BILLION DOLLARS IN U.S. CASH IN IRAQ. What the ---- are we , you and me, and all those people who appear to be paying attention, doing or rather sitting back and watching being done in our names.

The group of Men that I sat with today, are willing to do our best to create support for our troops. And we need to do it for free because the government has pissed away, stolen and wasted BILLIONS of dollars of OUR money and can't afford to take care of our own. This is beyond stupid and we just accept it.

My wife's little brother is a Vet and he's been screwed over by the system, and my son-in-law is a Vet and he's had the same “patriotic” experience. This is happening in our names, by the people that we have empowered to govern OUR country and OUR vets and their families are paying a price that they never signed up for. There have been revolutions over less than this.

I love what this country stood for, I do not love what is going on today. I see there is a movement to impeach Bush. Did somebody just wake up or what????? I live in Mexico most of the time now and even in Mexico, the Banditos have enough class to be honest that they will steal from you. In The States we have enough smoke billowing out of our asses to see it from the moon, and we pretend there's no fire. I'd much rather give my dinero to the Mexican Banditos , they don't offend my intelligence. Anyway there will be more about what we're doing to help OUR VETS and frankly, if you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. That's just my opinion and it ought to be yours. Thanks, Lee